All Things Loss

Signing Off

2011-02-02T14:11:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a fun ride at this blog for the last few years. Thanks to those of you who've taken the time to keep up with our fam through this little blog. I'm heading over to a new blogspot. If you're on our email list, you should've already received the link to the new one. If not, leave a comment, and I'll get you the new address. Thanks!

We're still alive!

2010-10-25T14:18:00.000-05:00

Whew, life is certainly a whirlwind these days and probably isn't going to slow down for some time. In the meantime, here are some pictures from my mom from our time in Richmond. Enjoy!

Click here to view these pictures larger

Multitudes again

2010-10-22T13:30:00.003-05:00

*a post from a looooonnnggg time ago that never got posted* (better late than never, right?)

For those of you who don't know about this Gratitude Community that is keeping my blog alive (albeit barely alive), please read about it and drink deeply from this sacred blog (I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to associate "sacred" and "blog" but really, it's true for this one.)

*Adam's last day of work!
*For God's provision for our family through his job for the last two years
*Seeing an old friend
*And enjoying her hospitality
*And conversation with her

*Meeting her husband for the first time

*Meeting her second-born for the first time
*And her meeting ours!

*First-borns playing together as if they're old friends

*Country fairs

*Michigan summers

*Frankenmuth

*Beauty

*Strategies from friends (and tents and noise machines) to aid in sleeping in the same hotel room with your kids

*Cousin fun

*Acoustic instrumental Beatles' albums

*Hearing your favorite Beatles' song playing when you walk into a coffee shop

*Coffee shops that have used books for sale

*including a Carson commentary for 50 cents

*visiting the legendary Wheaton College

*Getting to see THE REAL WARDROBE!

*Katie's complete awe upon opening the doors

*And discovering that fur coats were hanging inside

*The awesome warning inside, "The Wade Center is not responsible for any persons who might disappear into this wardrobe." (or something to that effect)
*Lewis' desk, Lewis' pipe, Lewis' teapot, and Tolkein's desk at which he wrote The Hobbit
*"super-pizza" (thanks, Ryan and Sarah...and Adam W for coining the phrase)
*that He gave our family grace to sleep in the same room for days on end!
*but that He also gives us separate rooms for my each of the girls at home
*sleeping in a room without my children
*a few days of normalcy

I Have a Shelter

2010-09-22T06:11:00.000-05:00

Listen here for free.

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

One week...

2010-09-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

In one week from today we will be leaving Louisville.

Wow. Now you know why there has been a blogging drought. Somehow I haven't been able to justify in my mind spending time uploading photos and writing witty things about the amazing travel experiences we have had in the last six weeks (EIGHT different states seen! whew!). But this morning as I wrote that first sentence in my journal, I could no longer resist the longing I've had to pause and to reflect on what God is doing underneath the crazy chaos that is our life right now.

"And Abraham went out, not knowing where he was going."

What a comfort that sentence is to me this morning. Two weeks ago, as we began taking pictures off the walls and posting our possessions on craigslist, I found myself thinking with greater frequency, "Are we crazy? What are we doing? Are we completely foolish to be leaving our apartment and life here when we only have 27% of our monthly support raised?" But as a precious friend said last night, these times (when our circumstances strip away all that we normally cling to and rely upon and expose the deep needs that are really in our hearts), these are the times when His promises become concrete realities, when we are faced with the decision to trust or to fear, and when His Word can become fresh and new to our often hard hearts. (Click here and here to see to this playing out in other friends' lives in much harder circumstances than what we are experiencing.)

"And Abraham went out, not knowing where he was going."

"By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise."

The land of promise. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Sounds like golden sunrises and scarlet sunsets, like bunnies hopping and streams trickling and milk and honey and picnics. But according to Hebrews 11:9, the land of promise is really more like living in a tent in a foreign country. How does that sound to you?

So why would a person do such a thing? I asked myself.

"For he was looking forward
                      to the city that has foundations,
                                        whose designer and builder is God....
"As it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city."

What is my hope, my reason, my motivation...
         ...for going out, not knowing where we are going?
         ...for living in tents, as it were, in a foreign country?

Promise. The land of promise. The promise of a city with foundations, designed and built by God, a better country, a heavenly one, that He has prepared for us. And not only for us, but for them as well. And them. And them. Someone just has to invite them.

So it's encouraging to read in Hebrews 11 that, no, we're not crazy for doing what we're doing. While it may seem and feel and look like crazy, it's actually just what the Bible calls faith.

Monday

2010-08-30T09:10:00.000-05:00

"Lord, what do You want me to do today?" I groan under the weight of an onerous to-do list, taking another clean glass out of the dishwasher.

"Find Me today." The voice is quiet but clear.

I sigh, knowing it's true but not wanting to do it. Knowing that He is Peace but still holding onto the futile hope that activity and action, busyness and productivity, doing and going will give me the rest I crave. It seems silly when I write it out like that. Yet that is the decision that faces me day after day, moment after moment, the decision in which I too often make the wrong choice. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your labor for what does not satisfy? My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn for themselves broken cisterns that can hold no water.

"To know God is to realize there's no such thing as ordinary and all our ache is only for more of His glory," she writes. It rings true. Then why do I resist it so? It takes faith. "For the things which are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." I am an Israelite, wanting the immediate satisfaction (that doesn't last) of a Golden Calf I can see rather than the truly satisfying rest of the Invisible God.

I chafe under the waiting that will open my eyes to His glory. Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God? Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to Me; hear, that your soul may live. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by You.

Oh, God, give me a heart, a taste, a desire for Your glory. Give me courage to wait for it, to choose what is unseen, to choose the better portion. Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes away from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

Is it really true? Will I really find the rest I crave if I just go to Him? A holy experiment. "Come and see," He says.

Multitude Monday

2010-08-09T06:36:00.015-05:00

182-200

*that I have seen so much beauty and received so much grace lately that I feel a little overwhelmed at the prospect of recounting it all

*a out-of-town membership to Lewis Ginter (thanks, Mom!)

*the Children's Garden *exuberant 4 year olds who boldly dash in and out of the spray*shy 16 month olds who gradually warm up enough boldness to reach out and let the spray hit their hand

*getting caught in a warm rain shower in the middle of it all

*laughing at the situation

*the walk back to the top through the dark green shadowy trail

*"This feels like Neverland!"

*getting sick at Grandmommy's

*camping out on the sofa and watching The Sound of Music

*4 year old decorated birthday cakes

*train rides with Grandmommy

*the Farm

*my daughters getting to spend the night in their great-great grandmother's house, great-grandmother's house, and grandmother's house in a 3-day span!
*kissin' cousins*sandboxes

*laughing hard with cousins

*catching up

The endless gifts

2010-07-26T06:59:00.006-05:00

161-181
*Being (gently) reminded of the truth
*That He uses her to do it again
*"The weight of Glory always tips the scales for joy"
*That He used the sermon yesterday at church
*"You can't think of anything better than God."
*The voice of the Lord thunders (ps29)
*and still He puts my tears in His bottle (ps56:8)
*That I have His written word
*In my hands
*In a language I can understand
*Precious saints who leave everything
*joyfully
*generously
*so they can translate His Life-Word into languages in which He has not yet been named
*"plodding visionaries"
*surprise Graeter's gift cards
*Dads that break the hard news to 4 year olds that they won't be returning to preschool this fall
*The 4 year old's reply: "That's okay, I want to live with Grandmommy. I love her."
*that I am utterly annoyed by everything that is "Elmo's World" except for the part when Elmo talks to a baby which cracks me up every time (mostly the baby's complete obliviousness to what's going on)
*the way 16 months old talk (she calls every person "baby" and every cartoon "elbo" meaning "elmo" and roars whenever we ask her what something says

Agh!

2010-07-21T06:34:00.002-05:00

I'm overwhelmed by all the Blogger background options! Please won't someone come and just design my blog for me?

Andrew Peterson's "Dancing in the Mine Fields"

2010-07-14T06:52:00.000-05:00

Andrew Peterson's "Dancing in the Mine Fields"

Multitude Catch-up, Part 2

2010-07-07T07:00:00.002-05:00

151-156
What you can't see in this picture is that they were holding hands! Too cute!

157. For the baptism of precious friends!
(I feel like this item should count for like 25 items on the gratitude count!)

158. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

159. "We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." Romans 6:4

160. That God is still in the business of bringing breath to dry bones, flesh to stone hearts, sight to blind eyes

Multitude Catch-up

2010-07-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

"You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." Psalm 40:5

(I've had this list growing since back in May....so this might take awhile!)

57. 3 sets of amazing students to whom I could entrust my children for a week (Thanks Becky, Ian, Rachel, and Jess!)

58. my mother who paid for us to fly to Orlando instead of drive

59. Pioneers

60. Their mission: mobilizing teams to glorify God among unreached peoples by initiating church-planting movements in partnership with local churches

61-68. Their core values: passion for God, unreached peoples, church-planting movements, ethos of grace, the local church, team-centered, innovation and flexibility, participatory servant leadership

69. the Orlando team

70. the fact that most of them raise their own support

71-97. Scott and Christine (thanks for your ministry to us that week!), Kim and Casey, Amy and Mark, Bryan and Laura, Kurt and Carrie, Rick and Suzi, Joy and Jeremy, Dorothy, Charissa, Ekren and Kari, Amy, Faith, Mike, Heather, Joshua, Cynthia, Abbey, Brittany

98. Adam's determination to see real FL wildlife (ie alligators)

99. Bojangles in the Charlotte airport

100. a long enough layover to eat at said Bojangles

101. that the Bojangles was right next to our gate (and not in the opposite concourse as in the case on previous layovers in CLT)

102-106. Cajun Filet Biscuits, Sweet Tea, Seasoned Fries, Bo-Berry Biscuits, Cinnamon Biscuits

107. That Adam now loves Bojangles almost as much as I do

108. Remembering the Valentine's Day when Ann Wilson bought a box of heart-shaped Bo-berry biscuits and showed up late to Dr. Plank's class to give them to her classmates, totally interrupting the lecture/discussion, and completely befuddling Dr. Plank

109. Remembering the many mornings that Mooresville High School girls would meet me at the crack of dawn at Bojangles to study the Word together

110. Remembering that only Jesus, Caedmon's Call as my alarm clock, and the hope of a cup of coffee were what got me out of bed that early

111. Realizing that Jesus and the hope of a cup of coffee are still what get me out of bed in the morning (well, that and if I try to sleep until 7am an alarm clock named Katie or Caroline wakes me up)

112. Remembering the joy and peace of being an "old person" during my senior year at Davidson and year in China....going to bed at 9pm and waking up at 5 or 6 and feeling well-rested

113. Reconnecting with my YL girls on Facebook

114. 3 John 4, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

115. brothers who faithfully preach the Word (most recently at 3ABC: Kurt, Josh, Sam, and Steve)

116. being a work-in-progress (thanks to my husband, Eric Johnson and Kurt for heralding this)

117. that God is completely okay with me being a work-in-progress

118. embracing that truth

119. that God's chosen method of growing His Kingdom is using works-in-progress

120. that Pioneers "gets" this and is happy to accept broken people ('cause that's the only kind of person there is!)

121. embracing others as works-in-progress

122. needing so much grace to truly embrace my status as a work-in-progress and to embrace others as such

123. abundant mercy for when I fail to do that

124. having lunch with an "old" friend

125. that this old friend eagerly and generously watching my children after I had to go to the Urgent Care because I sliced my finger attempting to remove a stubborn avocado pit after only being at her place for 30 minutes

126. Providence

127. The ability (means, time, money) to drive back east and visit family

128. That Caroline at least slept 30 minutes for the 12 hour drive

129. Portable DVD players

130. Introducing Katie to Hook

131. Introducing Katie to the Sound of Music

132. Introducing Adam to the Sound of Music (slowly though since he can only handle about 45 minutes at a time)

133. Being transported back to my childhood

134. Enjoying things with Katie that I used to do with my mom

135. Children who sleep until 8am (and sometimes 9!) (Update: this trend has since ended but it was nice while it lasted)

136. Thick blankets over windows that help

137. 3 hours of time alone during the day!

138. Precious friends who make that happen

139. A quiet house

140. Cup of coffee

141. One of these

142. Hydrangeas

143. in a vase on my table

144. From a friend's yard

145. That have stayed beautiful for weeks

146. Blueberry pie

147. Making the crust from scratch for the first time in 4 years (and not completely butchering it)

147. Calling it "rustic" blueberry to make it look like I messed up the crust on purpose

148. Feeling like it was okay to spend the time on the crust since I was only using canned blueberry filling

148.

149.

150. hitting publish even though I'm not nearly done catching up with my gratitude!

Timely

2010-07-01T08:45:00.004-05:00

"The moment you wake up each morning, all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving it all back; in listening to the Other voice, taking that Other point of view, letting that Other, larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in."
-C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

Isn't that so true? Isn't that just how it is? Oh, Father, help me, give me the strength, grant me the grace, to shove it all back. To slow down and listen.

It seems that everywhere I turn lately I hear the same message. Like here, for example.

"Slow down. Breathe. Rest. Listen. Receive."

Why is this so hard?

"The measure of the worth of our public activity for God is the private profound communion we have with Him. Rush is wrong every time, there is always plenty of time to worship God. Quiet days with God may be a snare. We have to pitch our tents where we shall always have quiet times with God, however noisy our times with the world may be. There are not three stages in spiritual life - worship, waiting and work. Some of us go in jumps like spiritual frogs, we jump from worship to waiting, and from waiting to work. God's idea is that the three should go together. They were always together in the life of Our Lord. He was unhasting and unresting. It is a discipline, we cannot get into it all at once." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, January 6

See also, My Utmost, October 19

This is a busy season of life, to be sure. If you're not sure why, visit here. Support-raising feels like a full-time job...and it's not like life wasn't full before! But what makes it especially difficult for me is my case of morbid Martha-ism. Why do I value task more than relationship? Why do I fail to treasure what is truly valuable? This is a joyful season of our life to be sure, and we are thrilled with the chance to take part in the "ministry of fund-raising" (Henri Nouwen). But I am coming to see that it is also a very necessary season for my own soul. He wants me to grow in cherishing what He cherishes, what He deems as most important. "Only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the better portion and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 12:42) One thing. One thing. One thing. One thing.

Adam and I both struggle with the temptation to sacrifice family for the sake of "ministry." I am fearful for what that could mean for our marriage and our children as we head into full-time work overseas. I am thankful that the very fact that we are aware of this temptation means that He is with us and is willing and able to help us overcome this sin. Please pray with us in this and help us keep watch over our souls.

I've also seen afresh how I want to keep relationships in nice, neat boxes of time so that I can preserve my schedule, my agenda. You'd think that I'd have made more progress in this area since having kids! By God's grace I think I have grown, but then something happens--an interruption, an inconvenience, a relationship that won't conform to appointments and schedules and my to-do list--to show me that I haven't yet "arrived." And again He speaks to me here. Oh, Jesus, help me to choose the better portion. To lose my life and find it.

Thanks for lettting me indulge in some soul-baring. Pictures and videos and "multitude catch-up" to come.

Multitude Monday

2010-05-10T10:21:00.004-05:00

57. new (to me) Andrew Peterson music!

58. husbands who spend part of their birthday iTunes gift card to buy said album for their wives

59. perfect songs that put together all the different things God's been doing in your heart

60. What's that on the ground? It's what's left of my heart. Somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces and planted the shards.

61. And they're coming up green, and they're coming in bloom. I can hardly believe, this is all coming true.

62. Just as I am,

63. Just as I was,

64. Just as I will be

65. He loves me, He does.

66. He showed me the day that He shed His own blood.

67. He loves me, oh He loves me, He does.

68. Well it's time now to harvest what little that grew. This man they call Jesus, who planted the seeds, has come for the fruit. And the best that I've got isn't nearly enough.

69. He's glad for the crop,

70. but it's me that He loves!

71. Evidence that Resurrection Letters, Volume 1 is in gestation!

72. the grace that will surely be given when this album comes out

73. 4 year olds who are almost excited about Mother's Day as they are about Christmas (well, maybe not Christmas, but perhaps Thanksgiving?)

74. preschool teachers who make sure that mothers have gifts to open on Mother's Day

75. Sunday School teachers who plan sweet Mother's Day crafts that include a much-needed cup of hot tea

76. YMCA workers who help 4 year olds make Mother's Day cards

77. Daddies that hide the card in their cars so it will be a surprise

78. sisters that make each other laugh

79. sister laughter that sounds so much alike even though one is one and one is four!

80. good strawberries at Aldi for $1.19

Multitude Wednesday

2010-05-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

35. restored internet access!
36. the timing of our internet outage to coincide with my need to refrain from blogreading so I could get off the evil comparison wagon

37. grace that is greater than all my sin

38. great music I was introduced to in college that still ministers to me today

39. great friends from college who introduced me to said music

40. my friend Maggie from college

41. whose blog post I completely relate to

42. a group of women in Louisville I am so excited to see tonight and have missed for the last three weeks

43. beautiful days in Louisville

44. that make 4 year olds say that they are thankful God made the world

45. the ease with which she gave thanks this morning when usually it's a tooth and nail fight all the way to preschool to get her to give thanks for one thing

46. the perfect breeze

47. on a beautiful day

48. in which to fly the dragon kite

47. from Chinatown

48. which she requested

49. the look on her face as she flies it by herself 50. the toddler's excitement to be out of the stroller and in the grass
51. the toddler's glee to push the stroller by herself

52. Daddy being a part of it all

53. the smiles on the faces of the passersby as they watch our family

54. Kern's Kitchen Derby Pie

55. Calvin Borel

56. It knocked me down, it dragged me out, it left me there for dead. It took all the freedom I wanted and gave me something else instead. It blew my mind, it bled me dry, it hit me like a long goodbye, and nobody here knows better than I that it’s a good thing. Love is a good thing. It’ll fall like rain on your parade, laugh at the plans that you tried to make, it’ll wear you down till your heart just breaks and it’s a good thing. Love is a good thing.It’ll wake you up in the middle of the night, it’ll take just a little too much. It’ll burn you like a cinder till you’re tender to the touch. It’ll chase you down, swallow you whole, it’ll make your blood run hot and cold. Like a thief in the night it’ll steal your soul, and that’s a good thing. Love is a good thing. It’ll follow you down to the ruin of your great divide, and open the wounds that you tried to hide. And there in the rubble of the heart that died you’ll find a good thing. Love is a good thing. Take cover, the end is near. Take cover, but do not fear. It’ll break your will, it’ll change your mind, it’ll loose all the chains of the ties that bind. If you’re lucky you’ll never make it out alive, and that’s a good thing. Love is a good thing. It can hurt like a blast from a hand grenade when all that used to matter is blown away. There in the middle of the mess it made you’ll find a good thing.Yes, it’s worth every penny of the price you paid. It’s a good thing. Love is a good thing. Do not fear.

Multitude Monday

2010-04-26T09:40:00.004-05:00

I've been considering joining this Gratitude Community for some time. This morning, I'm diving in:

1. Four days alone with my husband...

2. ...in San Francisco!

3. Good friends who love and care well for our children (for free)

4. God's grace that caused our children to eat well and sleep well for our friends

5. travelling mercies

6. happy reunions

7. fresh baked sour dough bread...

8. ...with peach vinegar

9. In-and-out burgers and fries

10. Ghiradelli chocolate ice cream

11. real chao mian in Chinatown

12. delicious food in Haight-Ashbury

13. Helpful bus drivers and native San Franciscans

14. Sausalito

15. biking across the Golden Gate Bridge

16. the sound sea lions make

17. a Boxcar Children book about SF to help 4 year olds understand where we went

18. Giving souvenirs to 4 year olds, who like the airplane peanuts best of all

19. Remembering the anticipation of getting airplane peanuts from my dad when he would go on a trip

20. Joy from the Lord that is bigger than vacations...

21. ...and is available on the Mondays when life gets back to normal

22. A washer and dryer in which to do massive amounts of laundry

23. having plenty to keep me busy and to keep me from the despair of "an empty day"

24. an abundance of clothing (even if it's all dirty)

25. money to replenish our pantry and fridge

26. having just enough food left so I don't have to run to the grocery store right away

27. friends that clean your house in just the right ways

28. a job for my husband to go to on a Monday morning

29. the ability to enjoy joy (Ecclesiastes 2:25, 5:19)

30. a home to take care of

31. a husband who loves me in spite of my many sins and weaknesses

32. children who are very forgiving

33. clean sheets and towels

34. Walter Wangerin books

photo update

2010-04-14T14:16:00.008-05:00

Sorry (grandparents) for the blogging drought. We've been too busy living life to record it! Here are some shots though from Susannah's recent visit to Louisville. You can see in the sidebar our best attempt at a family photo. I really, really wanted to get one on Easter, but as soon as we gathered everyone together Caroline started screaming! Of course. I should devote a blog post to all of our failed family photo attempts. A grandma in town can mean only one thing...an excuse to go to the Butterfly Garden Cafe! I promise we had more fun than it looks like we did in the pictures...even despite the fact that I spent most of the meal standing up with Caroline and Katie dumped her entire glass of iced raspberry tea all over herself and the floor. At least Katie looks cute in the pictures!

a holy experience

2010-03-24T08:50:00.001-05:00

Just had to share this incredible blog I found through my friend Tara's blog. Go to it, and savor.

More birthday

2010-03-22T06:49:00.008-05:00

To celebrate Bean Town's birthday (yes, we call her Bean Town...long evolution on that nickname), we had a joint-party with a family whose youngest son is about a week younger than Caroline. As you can see in the final pictures, we are unabashedly trying to arrange their marriage.

Click here to view these pictures larger

Happy Birthday, Caroline!

2010-03-20T09:25:00.012-05:00

Caroline, oh, sweet Caroline, we love you so much. You bring such unique joy and happiness to our family. We love your slimy open mouth kisses (that sometimes involve biting), we love the spider walk you've figured out so you wouldn't get tangled in your dress, we love how you never fail to hear a single airplane that flies overhead (about 45 a day), but most of all we just love YOU! Happy 1st birthday, little Peanut/Bunny/Carebear.

March 20, 2009A few days oldApril 2009June 2009July 2009August 2009October 2009December 2009March 19, 2010

You know it's Spring when...

2010-03-17T14:51:00.005-05:00

...the Dairy Kastle opens!

I must admit. Ever since the warm spell we had a few weeks ago, I've been compulsively driving by the Dairy Kastle several times a week to see if it's open. Yesterday when the girls and I were out for a walk, I saw that the boards had been taken off the windows...could it be? We strolled over and the owner told us that it would be open tomorrow...which is today! So, did we go? You betcha!

As if it weren't enough for the Kastle to be open, Katie also had a St. Patrick's Day party at her preschool...and I got the privilege of helping with it! It was so fun to visit her class and see the other kids, although their teachers said they were being unusually quiet. I like to think that they were blown away by the cupcakes and punch I made (which I confess I was a little stressed out about...but that's another blog post).

New tricks

2010-03-15T13:15:00.005-05:00

Our littlest sweetie will be one year old on Saturday! She started celebrating early by taking her first steps this past weekend. I've yet to capture her "walking" on camera, but I did manage to get some of her other tricks this past week.

Desperately trying to see what sister's doing

I climbed up all by myself!

And now I'm going to really spook my mom

and try to stand up on it...

Sorry for being a doof and not having the camera turned the right way (and for having an incredibly annoying 'mommy voice'). Any ideas on how I can fix that? The video, I mean, not my voice...although if you have any tips on the voice I'll take them too! And just in case you were wondering, she did NOT fall off the box at the end.

How we celebrate being 11 months old

2010-02-24T14:23:00.003-05:00

As of Saturday, Caroline is 11 months old. Unbelievable. My little baby will be one in one month! She is a joy--loves her sister, loves climbing on things, and loves pointing at objects(especially photos) and saying "Da."

So, in honor of her cuteness, we went to Chuck E. Cheese on Friday night for dinner. Okay, so not really for Caroline (as you can see in the picture, she was not amused), but fun nevertheless. I loved Chuck E. Cheese as a kid (until I almost drowned in the ball pit at my brother's birthday party, but that's a story for another day). I hadn't been to Chuck E. Cheese since then (except for the time we went there for Homecoming in high school, super-fun). I had vague memories of the pizza being pretty decent, but I went on Friday with very low expectations. The pizza actually wasn't too bad! I think I ate most of ours! Here's a pic from the night as well as a video of the 11 month old Caroline.

Friends

2010-02-22T10:00:00.003-05:00

Have you seen those gratitude posts on blogs lately? Like my sweet friend Tara's? Or Maggie's? I love these posts and am encouraged by them, but I must confess that they also make me feel guilty for not being as disciplined in the practice of thankfulness as I need to be. I need to incorporate such a practice into my life and hope to do so soon. As a start...

Recently, I have found myself incredibly grateful lately for friends. I mean, real friends...the ones you can spill your guts to without fear that they will judge you or misunderstand you or think less of you. As I think back through each season of my life, the memories that give me the greatest joy all revolve around remembering who my friends were during that time. In preschool there were Peter and Brad and Jack. In elementary school there were Kathleen and Ethan, Mark and Ann. In middle school Susan, Kathryn, and Marni. In high school, Sandy, Veronica, Kathryn, Susan, Sallie, Rob, Shannon. In college there were dozens, but especially Jenny, Jaclyn, and Hannah. In China there was my whole team. And now, one of the joys of being married is that I get to live with my best friend without ever fearing that one of us will have to move away. In Louisville God has provided Cari, Melanie, Cindy, Laurel, Lisa, Emily, Megan, and Ashley. Even as I write these names, I'm sure I'm inadvertently leaving many out whom the Lord used profoundly in my life to love me, support me, encourage me, and (maybe the best part of friendship) to actually like me! How would I have ever made it through life without friends?

Reflecting upon sweet friendships makes Christ's statement in John 15:15 that more meaningful: "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

I can't help but think of Lewis' chapter on Friendship in The Four Loves. Here are two of my favorite parts that have come to mind recently:

"In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. Those are the golden sessions; when four or five of us after a hard day’s walking have come to our inn; when our slippers are on, our feet spread out towards the blaze and our drinks at our elbows; when the whole world, and something beyond the world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freemen and equals as if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an Affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life—natural life—has no better gift to give. Who could have deserved it?"

"In Friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,' can truly say to every group of Christian friends, 'You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.' The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing. At this feast it is He who has spread the board and it is He who has chosen the guests. It is He, we may dare to hope, who sometimes does, and always should, preside. Let us not reckon without our Host."

So, thank you, Father, for my friends.

Testimony

2010-02-19T14:15:00.002-05:00

I just had to share this sweet testimony from one of my dearest friends on the planet. Hannah, I love you, I am so thankful for what God has done in your life, and I count it one of my highest privileges to be your friend.

Ten years ago tonight I was in my dorm room (Little 202) with Ashley, Lauren, and Sheila. I was overwhelmed by this sense that God was doing something new in my life. All week I had been praying that He would change me but knowing that those prayers were meaningless as I looked toward another weekend of carousing and shenanigans. What does Tuesday's devotion mean next to Friday's delinquency?

But Friday didn't bring the delinquency I expected. Out of nowhere, I woke up with a deep peace and an empowered desire to follow God, leaving behind anything that would hinder that pursuit. I had tried it before, and I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. As I poured a few bottles of liquor down the drain, I thought aloud, "If this is just another season of piety, I'm really wasting some good booze."

As it turns out, it wasn't a season. It was a new life. Some call it "conversion," turning from one thing to another. Others (including Jesus in John 3) call it "born again," referring to a spiritual birth. Still others describe it as "becoming a Christian," "giving your life to Jesus," or "accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior." Whatever it was, it started that night in Little 202, even without my understanding what was going on. I wouldn't claim today that I understand it either, but ten years down the road, I can at least put some words to the experience that has shaped the last decade of my life.

Most of all I know it had to do with giving up. I had tried so many times to be "good enough" for God and fallen flat on my face again and again. It just seemed that I didn't have enough self-control. The reason this time was different was that I stopped trying. I spent all week bemoaning to God that I wasn't good enough and never could be. That's where He stepped in

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law, we become conscious of sin. But now, a righteousness from God, apart from the law, has been made known, to which the law and the prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ." Romans 3:20-24

For the first time I realized that Jesus thought of me on the cross, and that if I had been the only person ever to exist, He still would have done it. That central act of Christianity became personal for me. That's what "faith in Jesus" and "believe" are about. I didn't believe the Bible was true, I didn't care about Christian political "hot topics," and I sure didn't know much about righteousness, but I knew that Jesus's death saved me. That was enough.

He forgave me, despite all I had done and the depths of sin in my heart. He filled me with His Spirit and empowered me to do the good I wanted to do but never could sustain. In the end, it was true that I wasn't able to live up to His standards on my own, but living in His strength, I felt a new power for holy living. Paul said it this way: "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace" (Romans 6:14)

My experience was about surrender more than anything else. Honestly, it hinged on excessive drinking, as trite as that may sound. But the essence of my surrender was a lot deeper than that, and the results blew the top off my life. All of the sudden that "God feeling" that I had experienced before, His presence in a tangible way, was everywhere and all the time. My prayers were answered. I was filled with a new joy. My life had purpose.

I really expected it to go away after a month or so, but that milestone passed a long time ago. Somewhere along the way, I realized that it wasn't a season. It's a life. I still sense His presence here in the jungles of Peru and know that He will not leave me today, tomorrow, or ever. He answers my prayers. He fills me with joy. My life has purpose in Him. This is the first ten years of eternity.

"But now that you have been set free from sin, and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:22-23

A Valentine's Day Message

2010-02-14T14:07:00.002-05:00

If you've ever wondered what love really is....

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10

Snow Days!

2010-02-13T10:53:00.006-05:00

I personally am very thankful to be a resident of Louisville and so to have missed most of the snow that hit many of our friends and family members back east (you have our sympathy!). But we have had a couple days of snowy fun...one back in January and the other earlier this week.

The snow day in January was a fun day...not only did the girls get to play in the snow (and yes, Caroline is in her pjs in these pictures), but we also had an "American Girls Day" in which we did several activities revolving around the American Girls Kirsten, Samantha, and Molly (remember them?). I had a Samantha doll growing up and was pretty into all the series of books. I was amazed recently when I started checking out the books for Katie from the library...there are about 10 different girls now! Katie's favorite girl changes with every different book she reads. It'll be interesting to see which one she settles on as she grows up.

Click here to view these pictures larger

Our American Girls Day started off with Kirsten's breakfast of rice porridge (I had retrieved the American girls' cookbook from my mom's house on my last visit home). I should've known before I devoted the hour it took to make it that it probably wouldn't be a hit with the 4 year old. *sigh* During Caroline's morning nap, Katie and I worked on a gingerbread house just like the one Samantha built with Mrs. Hawkins in Samantha's Surprise. Aldi had had gingerbread house kits on sale the week before, and I had picked it up in anticipation of needing snow day activities. "Molly's lunch" definitely went over better than Kirsten's breakfast....pb&j roll-ups and cut out sandwiches with carrot and celery twirls. We played in the snow after lunch and then drank hot cocoa and watched the Samantha movie together during Caroline's afternoon nap. Then came preparations for "Samantha's dinner"--cream of carrot soup with homemade croutons. Given how exhausted I was already from the day's nonstop activity, I should have aborted the mission upon seeing how many steps and dishes were involved with this recipe (no wonder my mom never seemed overly enthused about doing any of the recipes in this cookbook...they take forever!) But I persevered and made a delicious cream of carrot soup that no one else in my family ate (I loved it though). So that was Snow Day #1.

Snow Day #2, which was this past Tuesday, was much more my style. Preschool and seminary were both cancelled for the day, and so we rolled out around 8am to take advantage of Denny's Free Grand Slam Day!!! I love breakfast food, Denny's, and free things, so this was just about a perfect start to the day for me. All 4 of us got free Grand Slams and were totally stuffed when we got home. I made sure that the rest of this Snow Day was more lowkey than the first...we walked to the post office and back, built a snowman on our porch, and....well, that was about it. Just the right speed.
I'm definitely hoping we've seen the last of the winter weather around here. While I love watching the snow fall from inside a cozy house, I quickly grow weary of slush, layers, and scraping. I easily fall into discontentment and grumbling about the weather (and many other areas of my life) and often struggle to wage war on my negative attitude. Recently, the Lord has been using Katie's struggle with complaining to convict me of my own struggle. I often quote Philippians 4:8 to Katie and have realized that I need to apply that verse myself (can we say "plank in my eye?")! Oh, how lazy I have become in taking every thought captive and letting no unwholesome word come out of my mouth! The Lord knows that I need my child to challenge me to think on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. I'm thankful for verses like Isaiah 1:18 and Job 37:6-7 that point to our experience of snow as a way to illustrate truths about our relationship with God. So even as I wait and long for springtime, I am striving to receive what God wants to teach me through this season of cold and ice.

Are you a perfect mother?

2010-02-05T14:18:00.002-05:00

My dear friend Ashley directed me to this article. If you are a mom, this is a must-read.

First Day of Preschool

2010-01-13T10:53:00.002-05:00

Today was a big day in the McCulloch household. Katie began her first day as a preschooler. Adam and I had been talking about preschool for several months when we were becoming more aware that Katie's need for activity and busyness was exceeding my ability to provide opportunities (especially since Caroline's naps are still somewhat unpredictable in terms of length). Because Katie is such a social butterfly and so intense when it comes to living life and has thrived being in a classroom setting during Sunday School, Adam began looking more seriously at preschools in the area. By God's grace, even though we were late in beginning our search, St. Matthews Baptist had one opening left for this semester in her age level. So...for three hours a day, three days a week Katie will be enjoying snacks, playground/gym time, storytime, daily crafts, new friends, and all the other sweet activities found in preschool. Visiting SMBC preschool on Monday was fun for me...I was instantly transported back to my preschool years and was filled with warm, happy memories. There has been not one moment of fear or hesitation on Katie's part--just pure, unadulterated excitement. Her first words this morning were, "Today I'm going to preschool!!!!" When I peeked in her classroom on my way out the door, I saw her hands covered in fingerpaint, and I knew that she was in heaven. Her teacher poked her head out the door when she saw me and said, "Katie acts like she's been here all year! She's already been playing with the girls, who all love her because she's the 'new girl'." Music to a mother's ears!

Pray that God would use this new realm of Katie's life to draw her closer to Him and to teach her how to better love, respect, and cherish others. Pray that I would be a good steward of these 9 extra hours I now have and that God would give grace to our family as we acclimate to a new rhythm of life. And pray for little Caroline who will be in the car at least an hour a day now (15 minutes there and back, twice a day). We are so thankful for this opportunity!

Christmas photo shoot

2009-12-25T08:15:00.002-05:00

Feeling bad about not having any professional photos of my children and being inspired by my friend Emily to take advantage of natural lighting, I recently set out to do a Christmas photo shoot of the girls similar to the one I did when Katie was one year old (see any family resemblance?). I feel pretty good about the results (especially after using Photoshop.com to tweak them. I love this website....it makes it nearly impossible to take a completely irredeemable picture!) Enjoy the photos! And Merry Christmas!

Click here to view these pictures larger

9 months old! and also what 4 year olds talk about

2009-12-21T14:32:00.005-05:00

Caroline turned 9 months old yesterday. Unbelievable, and yet she totally seems like a 9 month old to us. She loves to laugh and smile and "talk." She even started waving last week! She is on the verge of taking off crawling but can get around pretty well by scooting backwards or maneuvering while sitting. Her favorite food is broccoli (and Cheerios of course), but you should watch this girl go after the little florets we give her! She also is developing quite the little attitude: she is a very happy baby most of the time and plays by herself very well, but if you take a toy away from her...watch out! She's also very clear about when she's done eating and has quite the swat to tell you.

Here are the stats from her check up today: 18 pounds (50th), 27 inches (25-50th). Her weight percentile is down a bit because she hasn't been too interested in nursing. She may be weaning herself which is kind of a bummer--not only because I had hoped to nurse her until she was a year, but also since I'm not sure she can drink as much out of a cup as she needs to in order to get her daily requirements. So, please pray for CG when she comes to mind, that she will be getting enough liquid nutrition.

Katie also had her 4 year check-up today. She's been pretty nervous about the shots, even though at her 3 year old check up she cried because she didn't get any shots (oh, the power of band-aids). Today she got 7 shots, and wow, what a brave girl she was. She is now 35 pounds and 40 inches tall (a gain of 5 pounds and 4 inches since last year).

As for what Katie's been up to these days, she's really into jokes and riddles. She loves this great blonde joke (one of my favorites) and laughs hysterically at the end, even though I am quite certain that she has no idea why it's so funny (even after I've tried to explain the humor to her). She especially likes knock knock jokes and has finally nailed the timing on the "interrupting cow." When she was first starting out with them though, her rendition would go something like this:

KJ: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

KJ: Orange.

Me: Orange who?

KJ: Banana.

Me: Banana who?

KJ: Don't cry it's only a joke.

As with most 4 year olds, Katie is still very much into imaginary play. It gets a little out of control though when she wants to play "the Boxcar Children pretending to be Peter Pan and Wendy." Really, Katie?

She also says incredibly funny things by accident all the time. The other day she was playing "magic wand" but at one point reported that her wand wasn't working. I told her that she should try saying the magic words, thinking she would say something like "Bibbity-bobbity-boo." Instead, she points her chopstick (I mean, wand) at a toy frog and said, "Oh, little frog, won't you please turn into a horse?" At least she's learned something from Barney!

Finally, the other day when she was exhibiting her usual cuteness, I grabbed her by her shoulders, looked her square in the eye and said, "Katie McCulloch, I just love you. You are so much fun and so smart and so creative." To which she replied with a great big smile, "Aren't you glad you had me?" Yes, Katie, I am.

Pinkalicious Party

2009-12-09T10:17:00.003-05:00

Because the playgroup Christmas party was on her actual birthday, we decided to have Katie's birthday party on Friday the 4th. Now you may recall that at Katie's birthday party last year, she requested that her next birthday party included more kiddos. Attempting to be an attentive mother, I took note of this, and so this year we invited every girl we know who is over the age of 2. 12 little girls attended, and it was so much fun! (And thankfully did not take place in our home but in the church basement.) Katie had decided several months ago that she wanted a Pinkalicious party. 'Pinkalicious?' you ask. Yes, Pinkalicious. It was a simple party--one hour long, one game of musical chairs, a little time for dancing, some sugar cookie decorating, necklace making, and, of course, a dramatic reading of Pinkalicious. Every guest wore pink and took home one of the many cupcakes you saw in the photos yesterday. I think it was a success, but it would not have been possible without the hands-on help of Adam, his friend Josh, and our neighbor Krista...thanks, y'all!

The Birthday

2009-12-08T18:42:00.002-05:00

Katie's 4th birthday was this past Thursday. Wow, I can't believe that I'm the mother of a 4 year old! If I'm honest though, Katie has seemed more like a 4 year old than a 3 year old for some months now. She is a sweet and smart little girl, and I am so happy that she is my daughter. She says the most hilarious things....but that's a blog for another day.

We started the day with chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and the opening of one present--a mega-art supply kit featuring the Disney princesses (way to go, Aunt Jen!). You gotta love a kid who eats half of a chocolate chip pancake and says, "I'm done. This is too rich." Of course, her mommy finished it off for her!

We then headed off to our church for our playgroup's annual Christmas party. Tons of fun with friends as always.

We had a relaxing afternoon, and then headed off for Katie's secret surprise destination! Across the river to Indiana and on to....the Bass Pro Shop! Katie seriously loves this place...all kinds of taxidermied animals and a massive fish tank. But today's trip included a holiday special...a visit with Santa. Katie knows that Santa is just a story that we like to tell at Christmas, but she was still excited to see the man himself as well as his reindeer. I was a little nervous about how she would do when her time came...a couple years ago she totally freaked out when a Santa at Wal-mart talked to her. All I could think of the whole time was this scene from a Christmas story (and of course this one too). Her turn came and she did just fine. I think she told him she wanted roller skates or maybe a tutu. You can't tell in this picture, but in the one taken by the Bass Pro Shop, Santa has the grumpiest looking face ever! Hilarious! And I love how Caroline is eyeing his sleeve, surely thinking, "Hm, how can I get this stuff into my mouth?"

Fun at the Bass Pro Shop was followed by dinner at McDonald's (her request), and then home for pink cupcakes and presents!

And as if that day wasn't awesome enough, the next day was even better! Part two of her birthday tomorrow...

Giving thanks

2009-11-30T10:53:00.005-05:00

Returned last night from our whirlwind Thanksgiving Tour....3 nights in Martinsburg with Adam's whole family followed by less than 24 hours in Richmond in order to attend my 10 year high school reunion! It was great to see all of our family on both sides (minus grandparents) plus high school friends whom I had not seen since graduation! Much to be grateful for....especially surviving sleeping in the same room with both of my children for several nights!

And now for a few shots from our trip....thanks to Adam's mom giving us her old camera that was exactly like our old one (except that it works)! Hooray!

Katie was into all things pilgrim this year, including my old pilgrim costume.

Quote of the trip: "Is that what she normally wears?" --Adam's dad, only half-kidding upon seeing Katie in her pilgrim costume (are we really that weird???)

And finally, I have to pass along one of the funniest things I have ever read in my entire life. Seriously. Read the whole thing. And let me publically thank my sister-in-law for not sending me a letter like this before Thanksgiving.

Friends in November

2009-11-18T14:20:00.011-05:00

November has flown by! I can't believe Thanksgiving is just a week away and that Caroliner will be 8 months old on Friday!

The highlight by far has been getting to see my dear friends Jaclyn and Blake and their precious little baby Lilly (who is one week younger than Caroline even though she looks a month older!) Isn't Lilly beautiful?????!!!!

We've also had a good time with our sweet downstairs neighbors. Their little boy is a week older than Caroline.

Here are some other fun photos from September taken by another friend whose little one is about one week younger than Caroline.

[One final note--I would love to post some video footage, but sadly the video feature is one of the recent parts of our camera that is malfunctioning. First, the LCD screen. Then the USB port and video function. Yesterday I realized that the zoom no longer works. Clearly, our camera is systematically falling apart. It's like watching a dying person's organs fail, one by one. Sigh.]

An Un-Happy Halloween

2009-11-01T20:44:00.003-05:00

Sadly, Halloween this year involved a feverish three year old pathetically asking to go to bed at 6:30pm. So no trick-or-treating for our little Nurse. We were super-sad to miss out on the awesome birthday party we go to every year (Happy BDay, Mags!), but none of us was in any shape to be around other people. Thankfully, Adam and I are feeling a lot better today (after 1 week of it!), and Katie should be feeling much better tomorrow (if her sickness is on the same schedule as ours). It's been a rough week for us here, but we're thankful that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Even though she didn't get to go trick-or-treating last night, Katie did get to a couple weeks ago at our Zoo's Halloween party. So here are some shots of Nurse Katie with some friends from church and, of course, my little pumpkin. (PS: it was absolutely frigid that night at the zoo. And that is MY old nurse outfit she's wearing...thanks, Mom!)

Flashback: Apple Orchard!

2009-10-26T20:15:00.002-05:00

Back in September, the playgroup took a trip to a local apple orchard. It was a blast. And it resulted in a jar of homemade apple butter and my first apple pie!

Finally!

2009-10-26T12:39:00.003-05:00

Having learned that our camera's USB port was no longer functional and a repair would cost $250, a friend of mine kindly made me aware of the existence of memory card readers! $12 later, we're up and running again!

6 months old and other items of note

2009-09-29T13:33:00.004-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, this update is long overdue. I've been holding off in hopes that my camera will decide to start speaking to my computer again...apparently they are in a fight and until they reconcile I can't upload the zillions of fun photos I have on our camera! Anyone out there have a Sony USB cable they want to let me borrow?

Anyway, the update. Caroline turned 6 months old on September 20th. I've been reminded once again of why I always tell people that I wish babies were born being 6 months old. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. But I also like sleep and normalcy, which (at least for my kiddos) don't seem to become a dependable part of my life again until they are 6 months old. Once we got back from the beach I decided to (finally) cut Caroline off from the milk supply during the night. It took about 3 weeks to get the message that it's not really worth waking up in the middle of the night for a pat on the back, but she finally gets it. Now, after a talking to from her pediatrician, I've got to start weaning her off being swaddled. I know, I know, she's way too old for that. But because the miracle blanket works so well, both my children have been somewhat addicted to being swaddled. I stopped swaddling Katie around 3 or 4 months, but have been much lazier with Liney. I'd attempt to put her down with one or both arms out of the swaddle but would wimp out when she still wouldn't be down after 30 minutes. I'm going cold turkey now though, and she finally fell asleep for her afternoon nap after 45 minutes of fussing about it. Let's hope this doesn't mess up the good things we had going at night!

The Beanie has also entered the world of solid food eating. For months she has been looking longingly at our food, and even now would rather have a bite of my taco instead of rice cereal or pureed sweet potatoes. She's doing well so far, her favorite by far being mashed up avocado...probably because it's the closest she's come to eating what we eat! She had her 6 month check up today and is proportional in every way...75% in height (26.25 in), weight (17lbs), and head circumference.

In Katie news, she is totally on the brink of being a 4 year old. She just seems so grown up to me--so tall, so girly, with a complete mind of her own. She is, however, is a total mini-me. Which is kind of fun but also kind of bad. Fun because she enjoys doing the things I enjoy (like listening to Little House in the Big Woods and Little Women on cd), bad because she sins in the same ways I do (grumbling, greediness, etc). Pray for her. And me.

KJ continues to say things that regularly crack us up. This morning, for instance, I asked her if she wanted to go on a "w-a-l-k." (I spelled it out because that's normally what Adam and I do, even though she long since figured out what w-a-l-k spells. Like a dog, right?) Well, she thought that was fun, so she began spelling out everything for me. For example, as she offered me her plastic tea cup, "Would you like a sip of my k-s-a-g-y?" To which I replied, "Oh, lemonade, yes, please." Or later, "I'm going to be a x-j-m-r-q for Halloween." "Remind me what that spells, Katie?" "Nurse." "Of course." All of this was pretty amusing in and of itself, but then she said something that had me rolling for a good five minutes: "Mommy, can we go to the K-Y-E-S today?" "Where is that, Katie?" "The YMCA."

As for the grown-ups in our household, Adam is LOVING his counseling classes. They are super-challenging, in a really, really good, non-intellectual way. Not that they are not intellectually challenging, but they are infinitely more spiritually/emotionally challenging. I can already see a huge pay-off in his own life, which has overflowed to me.

We have our in-depth interview with "the company" this Thursday. Pray for us!!!! Pray that we would be given the green light to go on to the next step in the process, and if not, that we would trust the Lord's hand in our life.

Golfing (Litchfield Beach, Part 4)

2009-09-20T21:06:00.002-05:00

The Seafare (Litchfield Beach, Part 3)

2009-09-09T11:57:00.001-05:00

A trip to the beach is never complete without a visit to one of the ubiquitously advertised seafood buffet restaurants (or at least not for my brother-in-law).
You know it's a good sign when the restaurant's take-out car looks like it's about to be hijacked by a gigantic lobster. (There was also a crab the size of a tank climbing up the side of the building.)

Just as advertised, there were over 100 items on the buffet, including crab legs, which is why my brother-in-law was so intent on dining at the Seafare. Thankfully, I managed not to partake in the all-you-can-eat aspect of the buffet. My nephew, on the other hand, enjoyed making a special concoction at the dessert buffet, but neither he nor his father seemed pleased with the results.
Note the classic "kid plate" at the bottom of the picture: chicken finger, mac and cheese, french fries, and the token broccoli floret to appease the mother's guilt.

By far, the best part of our visit to Seafare was the live mermaid. Yes, a live mermaid. Given Katie's obsession with all things Peter Pan, you can imagine her excitement when we were greeted by a scantily-clad college student with a fake mermaid fin upon arriving at the restaurant. In case you can't imagine, here's a picture:
[Former CO'ers: even though this restaurant was less than a mile away from the old Land Lubber Lodge, I can't imagine why this job was never an option for us at the Summer Beach Project, can you? Perhaps Matty B wanted to spare us the bewildered looks that would mark the face of future employers upon reading "Mermaid" on our resume. I hope at least the water was warm in her "lagoon."]

Katie and her cousins managed to eat at least some food before racing back to interview the mermaid. At least it kept them busy!

Today in the Blogosphere

2009-09-08T19:21:00.002-05:00

Most of the time (for me, at least) the internet, particularly the blogosphere, is an endless temptation to waste time, yet surfing remains justifiable because of the few times it actually benefits me through spiritual encouragement and keeping in touch. Today was one of those awesome days when I found several blogs to be especially encouraging/challenging, so I thought I'd pass them along to you.

Grace Enough, from Lisa Law
Imitation, from Hannah Murray
Encouragement for Weary Mothers, from Passionate Homemaking

Finally, even though it wasn't posted today, my friend Jenny linked to an incredible blog the other day. If you ever need a kick in the complacency pants, check it out.

Litchfield Beach, Part 2

2009-09-08T13:42:00.007-05:00

Here is a picture of the beautiful Patrick Alexa house in which we stayed in Litchfield-by-the-Sea. The rest of our pictures can be found here. (Family: you should be able to order photos through that site.)

I've also posted a video of an awesome impromptu dance party that erupted one afternoon. Don't they remind you of the dancing kids in the Charlie Brown Christmas movie? Who do you think is the best dancer?

Litchfield Beach

2009-09-07T12:41:00.002-05:00

We got back late last night (1:30am) from 4 wonderful days with Adam's family at Litchfield Beach, SC. Over the next few days I'll post about different parts of the trip, but for now, here's an overview slideshow.

Trip to Richmond

2009-09-02T10:54:00.002-05:00

Last week the girls and I ventured to Richmond to visit my family. It was my first time flying with two children, and minus Adam at that. Thanks to God answering the prayers of many, the journeys there and back went amazingly! It's encouraging to know that our girls are great travelers in view of our potential future of long plane rides back and forth from East Asia.

We had a great time visiting my family. In the slideshow below, you'll see photos of Caroline with her Uncle John and Aunt JJ, visiting my friend Shannon and her two precious boys, our trip with Grandaddy and Lola to the Richmond Children's Museum, and our trip with Grandmommy to the Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens. More can be found here.

Just had to link....

2009-08-26T14:13:00.001-05:00

If you are a mom and a blogger, read this. Thanks, Maggie!

A must-read article

2009-08-22T08:54:00.003-05:00

A dear friend of mine with whom Adam and I taught when we lived in China sent me a link to a very important article she found in the NY Times. For those of you who have Chinese friends here in America, this is a must-read. If any of my Chinese friends are reading this, please read this article as well. This is a message that must get out to the Chinese community here in America.

This friend also sent me another interesting article about a study that concluded that different cultures read facial expressions differently. Very interesting piece, especially regarding emoticons. :P (for good measure)

(I'm secretly hoping that by linking to her very outdated blog, my friend will get the hint that she needs to start blogging again.)

Why I don't read novels

2009-08-20T15:18:00.002-05:00

I was recently reminded again why I don't read novels. Because once I start one, I can't stop reading it!!! Novels take over my life: instead of sleeping, I read; instead of working out during my daughter's swim lesson, I read. When I'm not reading, I'm daydreaming about reading, and when the book finally ends, I experience a crushing loss of identity and purpose. Unless, of course, the book I just finished is one in a series, in which case my addiction can be fed until the series runs out.

This is why I never made it past the fourth Harry Potter book. The initial reason was that I went to China and didn't want to carry all the books with me. By the time I got back, I had become aware of the time I lost whenever I read novels and so was able to resist resuming the Harry Potter series. I must say though that I was very tempted to get back into them when the final book came out, but I eventually decided that feeding and clothing my family was probably more essential and that their basic survival would be put into jeopardy if I had picked up Books 5-7. But I digress...

So what has happened to remind me once again of the danger of novels? It started last year with two books by Anne Rice. Yup, the vampire lady. I never would have dreamed that I would ever be reading one of her books, but she apparently became a Christian (Catholic) several years ago and began to work on a series of novels about the life of Jesus, written from his perspective. I found out about them when Adam was assigned to read one of her books for one of his New Testament classes. The professor assigned the first one (Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt) because of her thorough research and depiction of life as it might actually have been during that time. It was a phenomenal book, and I quickly requested from the library a copy of the second one (Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana). Fortunately for my family's sake, she is still working on the third one, and so I was able to return to normal life soon after reading #2.

I read a few novels between then and now (The Good Earth by Pearl Buck, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, and I even started Moby Dick but never finished) but none of them consumed me until I borrowed The Kite Runner from a good friend. I can't remember a more gripping, heart-renching book. I finally stayed up late to finish it last night, but as in the previous nights I laid awake thinking about the book for an additional hour after I closed its cover. Everyone I know who has read The Kite Runner tells me that Khaled Hosseini's other book (A Thousand Splended Suns) is even better. To be honest, I'm not sure I could handle another of his books so soon. I feel that I still have much to absorb as The Kite Runner sinks in more deeply. For now, I will pray for Afghanistan and its people that God would bring peace and justice to this nation and deep healing to its people.

She reads!

2009-08-20T08:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Katie read real, actual words: sit, sat, set, sob, and sun. Just a few weeks ago, she wrote her name for the first time. The process of learning a language (both orally and visually) amazes me.

Please pray for my friend

2009-08-18T19:00:00.003-05:00

My dear friend Laura has an extremely urgent prayer request. Please join us these next three days in praying that the cases for the two Ethiopian boys they are trying to adopt will pass before the Ethiopian court closes for the rainy season. Thanks in advance for joining us in being a persistent widow and an annoying neighbor!

How to get perspective

2009-08-14T07:54:00.001-05:00

I love my girls. How can you not after witnessing all their cuteness in recent blog posts?

But because their mommy is a sinner, I sometimes lose perspective and, instead of enjoying them for who they are, I become annoyed at the quirks that mark this stage of life (like playing Peter Pan to the point that I'm unsure that my 4 month old will be able to recognize that her name is Caroline and not Michael or Tinkerbell).

I hope I'm not the only mother out there who struggles with this (otherwise I probably sound like a great big jerk...which I actually am which is why I believe in Jesus). Anyhow, in the chance that there may be other moms out there who can relate to my struggle, I'd like to share a strategy I recently adopted for helping me number my days and put my children's fleeting childhoods into perspective. (Note: this may only work for mothers of girls.) Here it is. Just at the moment you're about to pull your hair out, stop whatever you're doing, connect your iPod to the biggest speakers you have in your house, hold your crying 4 month old in your arms and grab the hands of your whiny 3 year old, and dance your heart out to Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. I doubt you'll be able to make it through 45 seconds of the song without bawling like a baby and repenting of every harsh word you've spoken and bad thought you've thought towards your children. Try it, and let me know if it works on your bad attitude like it worked on mine.

Back to school and other updates

2009-08-13T20:45:00.001-05:00

Ah, it's that time of year again...new eraser scent, brand-new sneaker squeaks, and freshly sharpened pencils. Back to school. Incredibly, schools in our county started today. I'm still not used to the mid-August start date; where I grew up, school began the day after Labor Day. So, even though I love the fresh-start feeling that this season brings, I was still a little taken aback this morning when I heard the school bus barreling over the speed bumps in our apartment complex.

This was the summer that wasn't really summer for the McCullochs. Since Adam graduated in May of 2008 and has been working full-time since, there was no definitive beginning of summer which consequently made it feel like summer never happened. Even though we've had beautiful weather this summer in the 'Ville, I rarely spent much time outside, mostly out of laziness at the thought of hauling both girls around and messing with Caroline's feeding and napping. Ho hum. Thankfully, we have a beach trip with Adam's fam at the end of August to look forward to! It will actually be the first time Adam and I have ever been to the beach together (outside of a few hours spent at Rockport Beach). So even though Adam's classes begin next week, our beach trip will hopefully wring out of August a few more weeks of summertime freedom.

Wait, what's that you say, Mary? Adam's classes?

Yes, my dear reader, Adam's classes. For those of you who don't know, Adam is returning to Southern this fall to begin a ThM in Counseling, and we couldn't be more excited. As some of you know, the last four years haven't been the most sunshiney of our lives. Although they have been tough, we are beginning to see how the Lord has been using them to work in us, shaping us and molding us. In addition to His work in us, we are excited to report that we are also seeing Him beginning to work around us as well. It has been so awesome to see how the Lord directed Adam to pursue this ThM, gave me a heart that was fully supportive, and opened all the right doors and provided all the right means at all the right times. As a result of Adam's trip in May, it became more apparent that a ThM in counseling would not only be extremely useful in what we desire to do but that it could also open more doors than a MDiv alone.

We are still in the process of applying to go back overseas, and it appears that, even with the financial setbacks facing our company, our timeline to return to East Asia is aligning well with the conclusion of Adam's degree. We're hoping to make it to the final step of the process by December in order to go to training/orientation sometime next summer. Please join as we pray with these things in mind.

So, it's back-to-school time for the McCullochs, and as I've said before, I really love the fresh start that a new season offers. Appropriately, John Piper expressed a similar sentiment in his blog today.

And now, your reward for making it through this wordier post:

Our real ballerina

2009-08-08T11:51:00.010-05:00

A new dance studio opened up near us, and today they offered a free sample class to recruit students for the fall. As you can imagine, Katie was all about it. Thanks to some friends, we put together the outfit and were ready to go.

Fun times!

2009-08-07T14:36:00.006-05:00

Someone loves the exersaucer....

And someone can sit supported......while we laugh hysterically when she falls over!(Notice the pile of baby books strewn on the bed. I hate them all. I've finally figured out why the Baby Whisperer, whom I used to love, now infuriates me. Despite all she says, her book is clearly intended for bottle-fed babies. I still like her in general, but I laugh out loud now when she instructs me to add 1 ounce to each feeding. New moms, don't let her get to you too much....)

4 months old!

2009-07-22T20:26:00.003-05:00

Caroline had her 4 month check-up today. She's 15 pounds, 13 ounces (85th percentile) and 25 inches long (75th percentile). Praise God for a healthy baby!

Here are some recent photos:

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Odds and Ends

2009-07-15T18:46:00.004-05:00

Many apologies for the long drought of Caroline/Katie news...I know that's the only reason you read this blog!

We went up to Michigan for July 4th weekend to visit Adam's grandmother. It was great to introduce her to Caroline.

Caroline is 16 weeks old and is such a sweetheart. She started laughing a couple weeks ago and laughs most often when you clap her hands for her. She also loves singing (or at least listening to mine). She's discovered her feet and spends much of her time lying on a blanket grabbing them. Her hand coordination has developed overnight and today she amazed me with her "batting" skills. Two weeks ago she was weighing in around 15 pounds. Her 4 month check-up is next week so we'll see what the official stats are then.

We did a photoshoot last week, with Caroline wearing my grandmother's christening gown. We did a similar one when Katie was a baby. You can see the close family resemblance, although Katie was 12 weeks in her picture, and Caroline was 15 weeks.

Katie continues to amaze me with her quick wit and increasing maturity. I recently discovered that she is able to sit through chapter books...super fun. We read Charlotte's Web first and finished The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe today. While she's definitely still into Peter Pan, reading these novels have added some more characters to her repetoire (Fern, Susan, Lucy). She's also gotten really good at coloring and is staying in the lines more and more!

We've had some funny conversations lately. Here are some of my favorites:

After Ricky and Staci's wedding, I was telling Katie about the decorations and the dresses and flowers. I started asking her what she wanted at her wedding. She said she wanted pink flowers and purple bridesmaids' dresses. Then I asked her what songs she wanted played during the ceremony. She paused in very serious contemplation and responded, "Jesus Loves Me, Jonah and the Whale...[dramatic pause]...and the Itsy Bitsy Spider." You better believe I'm going to remind her of this when it comes time to plan her real wedding!

Earlier this week we were reading through a Genesis storybook and got to the part about Adam naming the animals. Pointing to the pictures of giraffes, I asked Katie what she would have named them (assuming she would make up some kind of nonsense word). After thinking for a moment, she answered, "Flora and John." Classic.

Finally, I'm still laughing about the post my friend Hannah had up on her blog last week. Happy birthday, Han and Happy Anniversary, Jenny!

I went anyway.

2009-07-10T18:53:00.004-05:00

Not even Adam could keep me away from free fast food.

I did feel kind of ridiculous going by myself with my two small children. It's the kind of thing I would have easily done in college or with a group of people. I think I was well overdue for a pride-killer though. The Lord took care of that in full measure by allowing me to run into our downstairs neighbor on our way to the car AND one of my favorite church families at the Chick-fil-A (who were not dressed up for the occasion). And yes, my 3 month old is dressed like a cow in order to get free food for her sell-out father. Verges on child abuse, I know. The picture doesn't even show the cow ears I scotch-taped to her head.

FREE CHICK-FIL-A!!!!

2009-07-09T18:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, this Friday is National Cow Appreciation Day.....dress up like a cow from head to toe and get a free combo meal from Chick-Fil-A! Oh, yeah, the McCullochs are so there. Thanks for the scoop, Lisa! Pictures to follow.

**Updated: Unfortunately, the McCullochs will not be participating in National Cow Appreciation Day after all. I forgot that my husband is a stick in the mud and unwilling to humiliate himself for free waffle fries.**

Slugs, Bugs, and Lullabies

2009-06-24T07:30:00.001-05:00

Also known as our new favorite CD! One of my best friends from college recently sent it to Caroline (thanks, Jaclyn!), but I'm pretty sure Katie and I are enjoying it more than she is at this point. I love Andrew Peterson anyway, but it is so fun to listen to these songs because you can totally picture how they must have written themselves in his home.

Katie's favorite song is "Tractor, Tractor" mostly because I think it talks about a carriage going to the ball. What cracks me up though is how on target that song is with 3 year old humor. The stanzas are pretty standard: Tractor harvesting the wheat, Backhoe digging up the dirt, Firetruck zooming down the street, etc. Then after the song is over, Andrew Peterson interrupts Randall Goodgame with his own rendition in which he mixes all the words up: Firetruck going to the ball, Backhoe flying to the moon, etc. Katie was absolutely hysterical. Almost as hysterical as the first time we read Caps for Sale. I love kid humor.

My favorite song is "You can always come home." I was actually first introduced to it through a Veggie Tales video called "The Wizard of Ha's." It's the retelling of the Prodigal Son story through a veggified Wizard of Oz medium (one of their better movies, in my opinion, and I am not a huge Veggie Tales fan). It's a precious song, one that I hope to sing to my kids often, because it is so true. I hope its message stays in their hearts forever.

There once was a man who found him a treasure

Buried out under a tree.

He sold all he had just to own it forever.

The treasure is you, you see.

I love you today, and I love you tomorrow.

I love you as deep as the sea.

I love you in joy, and I love you in sorrow.

You can always come home to me.

There once were some sheep safe on the farm,

And one little lamb got loose.

The shepherd went out and carried it home.

That little lamb is you.

Edamame and Bean Salad with Shrimp and Fresh Salsa

2009-06-23T13:02:00.003-05:00

My new summer fave! My mom introduced it to me, but I think my SiL originally found it in Cooking Light. It can be done without shrimp too.

1 cup frozen shelled edamame

1 cup chopped cooked small shrimp

1 can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

1 cup halved cherry tomatoes

3 T chopped red onion

2 t minced jalapeno

1 T chopped fresh cilantro (I used way more than this b/c I love cilantro and needed to use some up)

1 T lime juice

1 T olive oil (extra virgin is best)

1/4 t salt

Cook edamame according to package. Drain, rinse with cold water, and drain again.

Combine edamame, shrimp, beans, tomatoes, onion, and jalapeno. Combine remaining 4 ingredients, stirring with a whisk. Drizzle over edamame mixture and toss gently to combine. Cover and chill.

Caroline

2009-06-11T07:12:00.001-05:00

Visitors from the East

2009-06-08T08:00:00.011-05:00

This past weekend my dad, stepmom, and grandparents came to visit! It was the first time they had seen Caroline. I think they liked her:

I think they had fun with Katie too:

Sisterly love

2009-06-06T07:16:00.001-05:00

These photos are from a few weeks ago when Adam's dad and stepmom were here. I think Caroline was 8 weeks old...now she is 11 weeks!

Neither one looks very sure about the arrangement in this picture, do they? Caroline: "Uh, I'm really not sure I'm comfortable with this."

Caroline: "Yeah, this is what I was afraid might happen." Caroline: "Get me outta here!"

Life in Neverland

2009-06-05T13:00:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure that there were about two full years of my childhood that I spent pretending I was Wendy from Peter Pan. Just ask my mom.

I now realize my mom's true motives in bequeathing to my daughter my beloved "Wendy dress" as well as bringing Disney's Peter Pan DVD with her when she came to visit in April. Payback, anyone? Katie now lives and breathes Peter Pan. All day, every day, we are chased by the crocodile, running from Captain Hook, flying with Tinkerbell, and cleaning up after the Lost Boys. At first it was sweet and even flattering that my daughter would enjoy the same imaginary world that I had loved as a child. But, if I'm honest, the meltdowns that occur when the Wendy dress has to be removed or when I just want her to be Katie for awhile and not Wendy or Tiger Lily are starting to get a little old. Thankfully, I've had some breaks from Neverland since we've had a number of visitors and they get the privilege of being inducted into Katie's Neverland.

Grandma Sue was the most recent visitor to become a citizen of Neverland. I guess she caught the bug herself given the contents of the package we received yesterday. See for yourself:

Princess Tiger LilyWendy

Gift giving

2009-06-02T07:02:00.015-05:00

One of the best parts of Daddy coming home was, of course, the gifts he brought! I am continually amazed at how "gifted" my husband is in purchasing just the right presents.

For me, a Starbucks coffee mug from Beijing with the Great Wall of China on it, stuffed with Chinese Nescafe packets. Former teammates will remember that you must stir it with a pen and enjoy with a package of donettes!

Here are some photos of Katie receiving her gifts:

What's in the bag?

She guessed right...a panda bear!

I think she likes it.

Caroline enjoyed staring at the panda so much though, I think she may co-opt it as soon as she can "take" Katie (which, given her size, may be in about a month).

Hm, what is next?A qipao (pronounced chee-pow)...what Chinese girls wear when they want to be fancy!Did I get the right size?How does it look?

He's home!

2009-06-01T06:45:00.014-05:00

Yes, yes, yes! Adam is finally back in the good ol' U.S. of A! I am so happy to have him home.

The travelling buddies

They got the royal treatment when they visited the home of our good friend Lan:

The guys were supposed to stay on campus at our old school for their first few days in-country, but because of the swine flu, no one who had just come from America was allowed to go on campus! Thankfully, Adam got to swing by "Er Shi Yi Shi" on his way to the airport on Sunday. Sadly no one was there since they were all at church, but he still got to walk around and take some shots:

And now that he's back, our camera is back as well, so here are some long overdue photos of the girls:

Small things

2009-05-19T11:44:00.005-05:00

I was recently encouraged when a friend of mine voiced annoyance over the many small parts of her children's toys. It was encouraging because even though I know that it's my Type A-ness that makes me irritated, at least I'm not the only one. You see, it's not just that the toys are small...it's that our children love to dump them all out, mix them all up, and put them in bags and boxes all jumbled together. And, of course, what kid wants to undo the mess he/she made and put it all back in order once done playing?

I knew I had to take a picture when Katie provided the case in point for me a few days after that conversation. Moms of infants....here's what you have to look forward to: ;)

A small section of the disaster that was Katie's room

A closer look

Update

2009-05-15T06:54:00.002-05:00

So last night...um, yeah. No long stretches. Boo. BUT....this morning Caroline rolled over from her tummy to her back! Twice! She was totally stunned the first time it happened. Exciting times!

8 weeks tomorrow

2009-05-14T07:38:00.004-05:00

One thing that continually amazes me is how Katie seems to be completely oblivious to Caroline's crying. I mean, she'll notice when CG wakes up from her nap and report the obvious, "The baby's crying!" But when CG is wailing and I am struggling to take care of her and Katie simultaneously, Katie seems unaware of my juggling act. For example, the other night Adam had something going on around bedtime, so I was attempting to read Katie her bedtime story with Caroline in my arms, screaming bloody murder. Katie didn't bat an eyelash. I didn't know whether to think this was hilarious or disturbing.

In other news, after a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day yesterday, my awesomely generous husband offered to take over the 2am feed last night. You see, I had started to become very discouraged about our Caribou (a new nickname) after talking with several friends who have babies around Caroline's age. I know, I know, I should never do the comparison thing. And yet why does every other baby sleep for long stretches at night when I am trying my darndest to do everything "right" and little Caroliner still loves to wake up every 3 hours?! Well, when Adam got up at 2:30 to give her a bottle, as soon as it touched her lips, she passed out and slept until 5:30am...without drinking a single drop! Why is this so exciting? Well, it meant that I got to sleep for more than 3 hours at one time...but it also means that she can go for longer stretches at night (like 7 whole hours)! So, tonight, if she wakes up at 2am, a pacifier is all she's going to get and *hopefully* that will be that. Lord-willing, she'll cease waking up at that time once she realizes that all she's going to be offered is a cold piece of plastic. ;) Pray it works! I'll let you know how tonight goes.

I can't wait until CG's next doctor's appointment to find out how much she weighs; she's gotta be at least 13 pounds. And she is so stinkin' cute. I'm hoping to figure out how to upload videos from our nice camera to prove it.

Katie has been saying a lot of funny things recently. I need to remember to write them down. My favorite one lately happened after she and a little friend watched (and danced) to a Riverdance DVD. Later that day, I asked her what her favorite part of the day was and she said, "Dancing to Riverdance." Then she paused and very thoughtfully said, "It's called Riverdance...but there were no fish!"

6 weeks

2009-05-04T13:27:00.011-05:00

Caroline turned 6 weeks last Friday. Yes! Glad to be over that hump! She continues to be quite the chunkeroo and so has gained herself several new nicknames including Fatsy Patsy and Chubbsy Wubbsy (you can bet that Adam did not invent any of those). And don't worry, we will stop calling her that early enough in order not to give her a complex. (Tim M, did you appreciate how I avoided the split infinitive?)

Adam's dad and stepmom were here for the weekend...probably the only out-of-town visitors to Louisville who were NOT here for Derby. We did, however, watch 8 hours of Derby coverage on tv on Saturday...what else do you do on Derby Day in Louisville? Good times were had by all.

Katie's Derby picnic

(She picked out the outfit herself. I really don't know how she became so aware of Derby....)

Kisses from GrammyShucking the cornCheck out that neck strength! Between her size and her strength, she may have a future in female sumo wrestling! Do they give college scholarships for that?Katie helps Caroline with her tummy time.This is how Katie came out of her room one Saturday morning.

One month stats

2009-04-22T13:24:00.002-05:00

Caroline turned one month old on Monday. Stunned? I am! To be honest, I'm thankful that these first few weeks are going faster than they did with Katie. (Am I a bad mom for saying that? Will I regret wishing these days away when she goes off to college? Probably, but for now I'm just keeping it real...)

We never doubted that Miss Caroline was starving (even though she often acts like she is). She weighed in at a whopping 11 pounds (90th percentile)! I guess that's what happens when you feed a child every two hours.....

She grew an inch and both her length and head circumference are in the 50th percentile. The doc said she was looking great!

Pics to come, but those are the stats for the grandfolks...

Easter 2009

2009-04-14T08:46:00.007-05:00

"Herding Cats"

You can lead a horse to water....

2009-04-13T07:54:00.000-05:00

Help! My once "angel baby" has begun to develop a pattern of waking up 45 minutes into her naps (which is 2 hours after she feeds). Boo. She acts hungry when she awakens (rooting, hungry cry), but she often does those same things when she's tired. I've been trying to give her a pacifier (she's still working on figuring it out though) and soothe her while leaving her in the crib. If that doesn't work, I'll pick her up, try the paci, pat her back, and loudly "shush." That'll usually get her to fall back asleep (sometimes it takes 10-15 minutes of that). Then I'll try to put her back down in the crib...sometimes she'll stay asleep, sometimes she won't. I know that if I keep holding her I can keep her asleep until her next feed, but obviously I can't make a habit of that! My concern is that she may genuinely be hungry because her feeds have been taking less time. I've always had to work at keeping her awake during feeds but lately it's gotten worse. Sometimes when I can rouse her all the way, she'll only eat for a few minutes and then do the "fake eating" suck, or she'll turn away or keep her lips pursed...which obviously makes me think she's satisfied. But then sometimes if I wait 5-10 more minutes, she'll act as if she's starving, but again will only feed a couple minutes and then fall asleep! And if she is getting satisfied, why is she waking up 2 hours later, seemingly hungry? Ack, babies! :)

Moms out there....any advice? Do you think I should feed her when she wakes up at the 2 hour mark, or do you think it's a sleep issue? How should I intervene if it's a sleep thing? And how on earth am I going to manage all this after my mom leaves and I have a three year old to take care of too?

Fingerprints of God

2009-04-10T07:55:00.000-05:00

Sweet Caroline is 3 weeks old today. Wow. She has changed so much since March 20 and already fills out her 0-3 month clothing (unlike her older sister who could still sport some of her 0-3 month clothes when she was 7 months old!).

Other CG news:

-Her umbilical stump finally fell off yesterday, which meant that she got to have her first real bath last night!

-She has an incredibly strong neck and can hold it upright for several seconds and turn it from side to side when on her belly.

I can't help but sing this song in my head whenever I'm holding her. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote it for his daughter Emily when she was 13 years old and struggling with her self-image. Among the many truths that Adam and I long for our daughters to embrace is the reality that they are made in the image of God and the tremendous sense of value, worth, and beauty that gives.

Never has there been and never again will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand and perfectly planned to be just who you are
And what He's been creating since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art.

I can see the fingerprints of God when I look at you.

I can see the fingerprints of God and I know its true

You're a masterpiece that all creation quietly applauds

And you're covered with the fingerprints of God.

2 weeks old

2009-04-07T16:18:00.000-05:00

Caroline turned two weeks old last Friday. It's amazing how quickly the weeks are flying by this time around! She has definitely "woken up" these past few days. I fear that my label of "angel baby" may have been a bit premature. She still is a great baby, but her reflux has gotten worse and is causing some feeding/sleeping issues. She does pretty well during the day, but the nighttime has given us some trouble of late. Nothing abnormal, just par for the course when you have a newborn. I will say, however, the novelty of nighttime feedings has definitely worn off, and I'm more frequently resorting to the tv rather than my iPod to get me through the night. I'm already praying for her to sleep for longer stretches at night (or at least to go right back to sleep like she was before). Ah.

One good thing....after having been sick with a fever and aches/chills for 2 days, regular sleeplessness feels a heck of a lot better than sickness + sleeplessness!

She's certainly not starving! Check out those cheeks and chins!

(She's not normally cross-eyed, it just looks like it in this photo.)

Photo update

2009-04-02T07:38:00.000-05:00

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Who is who?

2009-04-01T14:32:00.003-05:00

Which one is Katie and which one is Caroline?

Happy Birthdays!

2009-03-30T10:10:00.004-05:00

In God's amazing providence, two of my best friends from college (Jenny and Jaclyn, pictured to the right) were also pregnant these last 9 months with me. Both of their girls have now made their entrance into the world, and I can barely contain my excitement (seriously, have you ever cried reading a text message before?)

Happy Birthday, Lilian Ruth and Anna Elizabeth! Caroline (and the rest of us) can't wait to meet you both!

1 week already? and other thoughts from the field

2009-03-27T09:26:00.001-05:00

First of all, can I just say that the last two nights have been amazing? After getting around 1-2 hours of sleep on Monday and Tuesday nights, Caroline woke up only two times the past two nights and went right back to sleep after her feedings without any fuss! That, my friends, is an act of God, just another of those "small-in-the-grand-scheme-but-huge-to-me" answers to prayer. I have never before felt myself so reliant on prayer, particularly on the prayers of others. I thank God that I have precious friends and family who check in on me and with whom I can be vulnerable and who will actually go before the throne of grace on my behalf. Keep it up, friends, because He hears you!

That said, as I sat in the semi-dark living room during the 2am feed Wednesday night, I found myself thinking, "Hm, here I am, actually living through what I have merely been preparing for all these months. How is it going?" Several things came to mind.

First, it's a lot easier to be dependent than I thought it would be...primarily because I am so incredibly weak! Nothing makes you dependent like a cocktail of surgery, hormones, breastfeeding, sleeplesness, 3 year olds and an infant. And while I'm incredibly grateful for the strength that comes 3 straight hours of sleep (among the 7 combined!), I'm also thankful for my weakness because His power and care does shine through more clearly in it.

Second, God is incredibly merciful and kind. I think that Caroline (at least so far) is one of those so-called "angel babies." She is rarely fussy and only cries when she needs something, plus her cries are very distinct and easy to read. Recovery from surgery has also been easy. As I told a friend the other day, I think God must know how weak my faith is because He only

Third, a well-stocked iPod is a nursing mother's best friend. Seriously. I used to get so depressed and discouraged during the late night feeds when Katie was an infant. What is it about being alone in the dark that makes having "perspective" so difficult? Listening to worship music on my iPod this time around has made those late night feeds a completely different experience. Can you believe that I actually have experienced joy and gladness in the middle of the night? So, nursing moms out there....do your soul a favor and use your iPod!

Fourth, after the two rough nights on Monday and Tuesday, I was really battling fear and anxiety, particular regarding the coming nighttime and how it would go. I had tried to take a nap that afternoon but was so overcome be fear I could not even lay down. God provided some relief and comfort through a friend of mine who both listened and sympathized but also spoke truth about God's grace towards me. Later that evening, Adam and I took advantage of the beautiful weather and our awesome new double stroller and took the girls on a walk. As I pushed Caroline and watched Adam and Katie run around the track at our apartment complex, a line from one of my favorite Caedmon's Call songs (Sacred from their Overdressed album) came to mind: "My cup runneth over, I worry about the stain." How much did that apply to my fears? God has overwhelmingly blessed me with an amazing husband and two beautiful and healthy daughters, and I was choosing to worry about "stains" from the overflowing cup of blessings.

Finally, later that night, after I had just fed Caroline at 10pm and was about to lie down and hope for the best, the Lord graciously brought to mind Psalm 4:9, "In peace I will both lie and down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." I love how David distinguishes his need for peace in both the act of lying down and the act of sleeping. Just as I could not even lie down that afternoon because I was so anxious, David looked to God to give him the grace to do that as well as the grace to actually sleep. The second part of the verse spoke to me afresh of God's control over everything that would happen that night--He has complete sovereign rule over every cry, sigh, and hunger pang that Caroline experiences. He has ultimate say over how much sleep I get or don't get. He knows my frame and remembers that I am dust, and I can trust Him as my good Father to do what is best for me. I praise Him for giving me the faith to embrace that truth and both lie down and sleep in peace, regardless of how many hours that includes!

I can't believe that Caroline is one week old already. It's amazing how much she has changed in that time and how our love has grown for her each and every day. I hope to post some more pictures soon. Until then, here are some random things about life with CG:

1-I find myself calling her "little monkey," "monk," or "milk face"
2-she has the greatest "milk coma" faces
3-she loves to be held (ya gotta love warm babies)
4-she hates having her diaper changed (but it's a sure-fire way to wake her up if she falls asleep while feeding!)

CGM update

2009-03-25T14:39:00.003-05:00

Thanks to everyone for their kind comments, well wishes, and (most of all) your prayers! We got home from the hospital on Monday, and things have been going well. ("Well" is actually a relative term, meaning life is crazy and chaotic but normal for life with a newborn.) While CG has her unique quirks and issues, I think that in general she is a more "textbook" baby than Katie was...and maybe the fact that I have a little experience helps too.

Caroline's first doctor's check-up was today....she weighs 8 pounds (a 5-ounce gain since Monday) and seems to be doing "perfect" according to the doctor. Sweet words to a mama's ear!

You can pray for us that we would have grace, strength, wisdom, and patience to endure these first few weeks of hormones, sleeplessnes, and figuring Caroline out. Thankfully, the day times are fairly predictable, but each night seems to be a different adventure! We have already seen the Lord answer many of our prayers, even in the "small" things that seem to be too little for the God of the universe to care about. What motivation to continue to cry out to Him in all things!

2009-03-20T16:06:00.004-05:00

Caroline Grace McCulloch was born on Friday, March 20 at 11:51 am. She was 8 pounds, 8 ounces and 20.5 inches long (same exact measurements as Katie). Enjoy the slideshow!

2009-03-20T15:50:00.002-05:00

It is currently 4:50 pm and All Things Loss welcomes a special guest blogger...Adam McCulloch. This is my first blog post in almost 2 years since by last post. My blog lasted a total of 4 posts...Mary's has about 4000 so hers is definitely more successful.

The reason for this guest blogger is that Mary is recovering from having a C-Section earlier this morning. There will be a more thorough post later on, but for now I've posted a couple of pictures. Thank you all so much for prayers and concern.

Baby watch

2009-03-18T11:21:00.000-05:00

I had my final ultrasound and doctor's appointment this morning. My doc had requested that I get an ultrasound every week these past few weeks since Katie had been induced due to low amniotic fluid levels. Even though there was nothing that indicated my levels were low this time around and Katie's low levels were likely due to the fact that she was 41 weeks, the doctor wanted to play it safe. I didn't complain...I love seeing that baby! This morning's ultrasound was super fun though because the ultrasound tech did a 3D ultrasound. Let me tell you what, Caroline Grace is SO chubby! She has the fattest little cheeks and the pudgiest little fingers (which were in her mouth). It was so exciting to see a real shot of this face we're about to meet in just 2 days! According to the ultrasound, she's weighing in around 8 pounds, 6 ounces...which means she actually weighs between 7lbs6oz and 9lbs6oz. Whichever end of the spectrum she ends up on, she's not hurting for meat on her bones!

Grandma Sue (Adam's mom) arrives in the 'Ville this afternoon and will be staying for a couple weeks. My mom will then come out in early April for about 10 days, and the rest of the grandparents will be here at other various times in April, May, and June. We're so thankful already for all the help that our moms are going to be!

The surgery is schedule for this Friday at 11:30am. For Louisville folks, we would be happy to have visitors on Saturday or Sunday, just call before you come (we'll have both our cell phones).
The hospital has wireless internet, and Adam's been eagerly looking forward to guest blogging, so keep checking back here for updates and photos!

Idol factories

2009-03-16T10:35:00.005-05:00

“The human heart is a factory of idols…Everyone of us is, from his mother’s womb, expert in inventing idols.” John Calvin

Idolatry has come up quite a bit in my conversations with Katie recently. As we read in her children's Bible, she is quick to point out when people are worshipping "fake gods." She says, "That's silly...there's only one real God." We've also gotten into the 10 commandments part of her catechism, so the two questions we've worked on this week were: "What is the first commandment?" and "What does the first commandment mean?" (Answers: "You shall no other gods before me." and "Worship God only.")

But our conversations have not been mainly theoretical. No, unfortunately, idolatry has become a rather personal issue. We've recently had a lot of battles over Katie throwing a fit when we have to turn off a movie she's watching...even when she's been given fair warning and we've reminded her not to throw a fit when we have to turn it off. I've tried to help her identify the heart issue at hand: "When you throw a fit when we turn off the tv, you are being like the people in the Bible who love fake gods more than the real God. You are choosing to love a movie more than you love God. God wants us to love Him by obeying Him and one of the ways you obey God is by obeying Mommy and Daddy with a happy heart." It's scary to see the truth of what John Calvin said so clearly in the life of my own daughter. I am praying that God would give her a heart for Him SOON and so save her many years of pursuing broken cisterns.

But I've not been observing the truth of Calvin's assessment of the human heart in Katie's life alone. No, the issue of idolatry has hit home even more personally as it's come to the surface in my own life. For several days I had been experiencing great anxiety and sadness as I thought about the life change we are about to experience. I cried on Saturday morning thinking of how it was the last normal Saturday I would have in a while. I've been anxious about the difficulties we may face in the coming weeks, and I fear the freedoms I will have to relinquish. Clearly, there is much selfishness and unbelief at play here. But what I failed to see at first was the underlying issue of idolatry. I had been finding my joy in many things besides God (things like orderliness, sleep, predictability, my own agenda). I was feeling anxious and sad because my ability to possess and enjoy these other things was being threatened by Caroline's arrival. If I were truly finding my hope and joy in God, I would not be anxious because, even when she does arrive, He's not going anywhere and He's not changing! Plus, the hardships that I fear are the very means He wants to use to draw me closer to Himself, to experience more joy in Him. He is not content to let me sit back and "play with mud pies." No, He wants to use the birth of this child to restore REAL joy to me, joy that is in Him and that exists even when all other crutches are removed.

One of the main ways He revealed that all this was going on in my heart was by bringing to mind a song from my college days, "Enough" by Chris Tomlin. I am making that song my prayer now and longing to return to the place where I can sing these words from my heart.

You are my supply, My breath of life

And still more awesome than I know

You are my reward, worth living for

And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me

For every thirst and every need

You satisfy me with Your love

And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice Of greatest price

And still more awesome than I know

You're the coming King, You are everything

And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want, More than all I need

You are more than enough for me

More than all I know, More than all I can say

You are more than enough for me

A reward for your patience

2009-03-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

You have been very patient readers these past few weeks...putting up with my motherhood musings and political rantings. So, to reward you, especially you KJM Fan Club members (Blake B, Jeff K, and Ben B), here are a few photos and videos of Katie from the other Saturday when it was 80 degrees in Louisville!

(Unfortunately, the mic on our camera has started to act up, so you may want to mute the volume on the videos. Sadly you'll miss most of my hilarious commentary.)

Katie finally figures out how to ride her tricycle (albeit a short-lived attempt)

You can have fun imagining what we're actually saying in these:

Playing fetch with Katie (who needs a dog when you have a 3 year old?)

Charged.

2009-03-14T13:36:00.005-05:00

This post is about controversial political issues. Just wanted to warn you.

Seeing as I have only 6 days until my world is radically different and I will no longer have what some like to call "discretionary time," I'm trying to take care of some things I've been meaning to get to for awhile but basically needed a deadline to make them happen. This post is one of those things.

Back in 2008, I composed a couple posts about the election, Barack Obama, and the issue of abortion. I never actually posted them because I was wanting to make sure they said exactly what I wanted them to say before going "public." I've since given up on "perfecting" them and finally just clicked "publish post." You can find those posts here, here, and here.

This past week Barack Obama made a significant decision that I feel compelled to write about...or at least post links to articles written by people more articulate and knowledgable than myself.
http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=3393

http://www.nrlc.org/press_releases_new/Release030909.html

The bottom line for me is this. I am sad and angry that my husband's hard-earned tax dollars are now going to fund what we believe is murder. And for an end that is not yet even proven to be effective!

JOY

2009-03-13T23:51:00.001-05:00

This is the final post in my little series on motherhood and is dedicated to the many women in my life who are about to receive children into their homes (Jenny, Jaclyn, Megan, Lorann, Lisa, Sarah, Christina, Lindsay, Laura, Ashley, Malini, Alison, Jayna, Shaelynn, Laurel...). I wanted to end with something that is central to the Bible's teaching on children but is easily forgotten.

Children are a gift! Although they are a gift that requires some work on our parts, God desires that they be a source of great joy in our lives.

As Carolyn Mahaney writes, "What words or images come to your mind when you think about your children? Are you inclined to think: work, responsibility, sacrifice, burden, more work?" Then commenting on Psalm 127, she writes, "Look at the words the psalmist used to describe children: heritage, fruit, reward, arrows. Then he followed with this exclamation: 'Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!' Our speech and actions are shaped by our thoughts. Therefore, we must think Psalm 127 kinds of thoughts about our children."

So, mothers out there, at the same time as we strive to rely on the Lord in the midst of difficult days, let us not forget that our children are gifts. Make every effort to enjoy them to the fullest measure!

Preparing to Depend

2009-03-12T22:28:00.001-05:00

So how does a Christian "prepare to depend?" I'm still trying to figure that out, and I suppose that will continue to be my occupation for the rest of my life. And not only preparing to depend, but actually depending! I'd love for you all to comment about practical ways you develop dependency on the Lord in daily living.

As I've prayed about this question and asked God to show me how I can prepare to depend on Him, I think I've been half-expecting some amazing new revelation or insight into the Christian life. Really, it came down to three familiar things: pray, know and trust God's word, and lean on others. God keeps it simple for us, doesn't He?

I know that, for a lot of Christians, leaning on other people is a challenge. At this stage in the game, I like to think that I don't have a problem with this, but we'll see what happens when the rubber hits the road! For now, one way I'm preparing to depend on Jesus is by relying on the generosity and help of family and friends. I have not shirked back from welcoming grandparents to come to Louisville to help out during the transition. I already have formed in my mind a list of willing friends I can call who can watch Katie for a couple hours or just speak words of wisdom and hope on rough days. God is honored when we humble ourselves and seek His help through the people He has placed in our lives. Plus, it gives other people the opportunity to experience joy through sacrificial service...don't steal that chance from those around you!

It's funny that something as central to the Christian life as prayer can easily be sidelined when life gets tough. In fact, it's quite silly (foolish, stupid, etc) how quick I am to turn to my own feeble resources instead of to my almighty, kind, and gracious heavenly Father. God Himself has invited us to come to His throne of grace about absolutely anything (Hebrews 4:15-16, Philippians 4:6, 1 Peter 5:7)! We are fools if we do not take Him up on this invitation that was purchased for us by Jesus' own precious blood. I know that the Lord wants me to depend on Him during this season (and every day) by coming to Him regularly and frequently, at planned times and spontaneously, pouring out my heart to Him, asking Him to do for me what I can't do for myself.

As for knowing and trusting God's word, this entire series on motherhood has been a sort of exercise in reminding myself what God has said in order that I might cling to His truth in dark times. I will need to know and trust His promise that His grace is sufficient for me on days when my emotions are wacky and I'm on the verge of losing it. Even more, I will need to know and trust His promise of lavish forgiveness in Christ when I actually lose it and sin against my family or wallow in anxiety.

One other thing I've been doing is imagining likely scenes of future failure and rehearsing what a Christ-dependent response would be. So, for example, let's say that Caroline is 3 weeks old (which means I'm sufficiently sleep-deprived and starting to feel the effects) and she is not falling back asleep after her 2am feeding. How do I depend on Christ when I feel myself start to slip over the edge? Depending on Jesus might look like depending on people...waking up Adam to pray with me or letting him stay up with the baby so I can get some rest. Depending on Jesus would be praying and asking Him to help Caroline fall asleep, to give me wisdom about what to do, to encourage my heart and bolster my thoughts and emotions. Depending on Jesus would mean remembering Romans 12:1 about being a living sacrifice or Hebrews 13:5 and finding comfort in the reality of His presence with me at all times.

But the beautiful thing about Jesus Christ is that even if I fail to do any of those things, and I run headlong into despair and selfishness, His love for me and His promises of grace do not cease to be real and active on my behalf. The good news about Jesus is that He holds onto His own when they lack the strength to hold Him.

Realistic Mothering

2009-03-11T15:16:00.003-05:00

So with all of this meditating on motherhood and attempting to prepare myself for the months ahead, I managed to get myself pretty keyed up (surprise, surprise). The Lord certainly does search me and know me, however, and is familiar with all my ways because both the morning sermon and the evening devotional a few Sundays ago spoke directly to my state of heart and mind.

Somewhere along the line, my (perpetual) tendency towards self-sufficiency and achievement crept into my mental preparations. Through both sermons the Lord reminded me of this certain fact--I am going to fail. The Lord knows that truly coming to grips with this certain truth is THE most fundamental thing I need to do to prepare for the months to come.

Ourpastor was finishing up a series through the Book of Jude and was preaching on that awesome benediction:

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."

One of the applications he made from this passage was to entrust your failures to God. Jude wrote this letter with full awareness that the people to whom he wrote were not yet glorified and would struggle as Christians on this side of heaven. In fact, the majority of his letter is warning them against stumbling in major ways--because they were being seriously tempted to do so. But he ends the letter with a massive dose of encouragment: "Even though you are facing tremendous trials and temptations, God is committed to you! He will present you before his glorious presence without fault." In other words, your failure is not the end of the story. God's faithfulness to you and to His promises is the end of the story, and that is what you should put your hope in, not in your ability to perform perfectly every day of your life.

And just in case I didn't get God's message to me that morning, the Sunday evening devotional was on Luke 22:31-32:

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

Wow. As Piper likes to say, "It is sentences that change lives, not books." And what sentences we read in Luke 22:31-32. Look closely at what Jesus says. First, Jesus tells Peter that He has prayed that his faith would not fail. And yet the very next thing Jesus says ("When you have turned back") implies that Peter's faith will fail. Yet it is also clear that Peter's faith will not fail in an ultimate way because Jesus says that he will turn back and then tells him what to do when he has done so.

Interestingly, immediately after Jesus says this to Peter, Peter vows that he will follow Jesus to the death. Jesus then informs Peter that, in fact, he will betray him three times that very night. As we know, Peter does deny Jesus that night, even within Jesus' earshot ("Just as [Peter] was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him...And he went outside and wept bitterly." Luke 22:60-62). But as we also know, this is not the end of the story. In John 21 we find Jesus going to great lengths to "reinstate" Peter, and the Book of Acts shows us a Peter who is an entirely changed man following Jesus' resurrection and the filling of the Spirit.

So what can we as mothers glean from this? First, as I said before, we (like Peter) will fail, and the Lord knows this. In the coming weeks I will snap at my husband, I will be annoyed with my three year old, I will groan when I hear the baby crying, I will panic about some baby issue, and I will complain about sleeplessness. For all my good intentions and mental preparation, I am still going to sin! But just as failure wasn't the end of Peter's story, it's not the end of my story! For Jesus not only prayed for Peter, but He has promised to pray for us: "Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." Hebrews 7:25

Peter's mistake in Luke 22 was that he put his confidence in his own ability to keep from stumbling. What Jesus was telling Peter and what Peter eventually learned is that the only safe place in which we can place our confidence is in Jesus' own promise to preserve us. And so, my goal now in these last 10 days is to prepare myself to depend--not on my own strength or ability but on the promise and power of my Savior.

Tomorrow's post is entitled Preparing to Depend, and in it I hope to share some of the ways in which I am seeking to do so. And believe me, this entire series of blogposts has been more for my own sake than for anyone else's!

An opportunity to become more like Christ

2009-03-08T14:57:00.001-05:00

The last part of my post the other day on thinking of motherhood as being a living sacrifice reminded me of a more general Christian truth that came into clearer focus for me a few weeks ago--namely, that we should delight in every opportunity that gives us the chance to be more like Jesus.

I was convicted about this several weeks ago when I found myself often grumbling and complaining in my heart (and sometimes with my mouth) and grudgingly going about service to my family. I was perturbed when Adam or Katie would ask me to do something for them, I muttered as I washed dishes and vaccuumed floors, etc. Somewhere along the line, the Holy Spirit mercifully intervened and opened my eyes, not only to my sinful attitude, but also to the beautiful opportunity that I was missing out on. Specifically, He reminded me of Philippians 3:10, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..."

Now, in no way do I find any modicum of equality when I compare the tasks of homemaking to the suffering that Jesus underwent for our sins. And yet...in a very, very, very small way, I do think that the Lord was/is calling me to consider the tiny deaths I die to self when I serve my family as a minute way of sharing in Christ's sufferings. And this sharing in His sufferings is meant to be a thing of JOY, for it means FELLOWSHIP WITH CHRIST! Oh, that I would delight, then, when my husband or child asks me to do something that will cause me to sacrifice in some way, because in that moment I am being given the chance to draw near to Jesus and fellowship with Him, the Servant King.

"He who prays for holiness will one day praise for happiness!"

Charles Spurgeon

"Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

John 13:14-17

Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Matthew 20:25-28

Guest blogger

2009-03-07T16:00:00.000-05:00

My friend Hannah's blog is one of my favorite blogs out there. Her post today was too good not to direct you to it. So, thanks, Hannah, for guest blogging for me today (even though I never asked your permission).

http://murraysonamission.blogspot.com/2009/03/is-this-joke.html

A Mother--a Living Sacrifice

2009-03-06T11:56:00.001-05:00

I'm just finishing up the Beth Moore study called Living Beyond Yourself (you can check out the DVDs that accompany it from Southern's library!). When I was watching the final session on Wednesday, the Lord once again used the Scripture on which she was teaching to show me something new about motherhood. Beth was talking about how while the overall teaching of the Bible is that God is concerned with our hearts, that does not mean that He is not also concerned with our physical bodies and how we use them. Among the many passages she could have pointed to in order to demonstrate this point, she chose these:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

1 Thessalonians 5:23b
"May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Romans 12:1
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship."

My mind was immediately drawn to motherhood. Mothering is a physical job. Mothers (very literally) give their bodies to their children. For 9 months, our bodies are no longer "home" just to us but also to another person (or people!). And, let's be honest, no matter how much you work out, your body is never really the same. Once the children are born, our bodies are designed to be their main source of life and sustenace. In the early months, our bodies are used for this purpose at least 8 hours a day. 45-60 minutes, 8 times a day....nursing is a full-time job! Not to mention that our hands, arms, legs, voices, ears, eyes, and even our sleep are devoted to caring for them the other 16 hours of the day. And that just describes the first few months of their lives, let alone the next 17 years!

It's easy to see how mothers can easily become resentful--even towards their precious and helpless children. But the Christian mother need not fall into this destructive sin. For she is not ultimately laying down her body on the altar of her children. Rather, her Lord and Master has chosen her for this task. Her body is not her own, she has been bought at a price and belongs to Another. And He has called her to present her body as a living sacrifice--which is her spiritual act of worship.

Therefore, mothers, as you give your body for the good of your children, you are presenting it as a living sacrifice to the One who gave His body for you. As your body feels the effects of serving your children, remember that your physical labors are actually a spiritual act of worship, holy and pleasing to God.

Preparing for your real career

2009-03-05T14:16:00.002-05:00

As I've written these blog posts and talked with friends about the difficulties we often have in transitioning to motherhood, one thing has become very clear. None of us were really prepared for what motherhood actually involves. The reasons for this are manifold. Some women had mothers who worked full-time and never had an example of what a stay-at-home mom does. Even those of us who had moms who stayed home, however, seemed not to have absorbed quite as much as we should have. Moreover, anything we might have picked up from our moms somehow seems to have been erased by the college experience. While I loved my college and am so thankful for the years I spent there, I can't say that it really did much to prepare me for the real career that now faces me. Even the churches and Christian ministries with which I was involved in college seemed to ignore the fact that most of the girls attending their meetings or volunteering with their ministries were not going to be in college forever nor be devoted to full-time Christian ministry. And so, thousands of Christian girls graduate from college each year, heading out to some exciting new endeavor--a new job, graduate studies, overseas service. Five (or so) years later, most of them find themselves in a very different place--married, with a baby, sitting at home, wondering, "This is what I said I always wanted, but how on earth did I get here? And now what the heck do I do?"

This post, then, is aimed at my female readers who are not yet mothers or wives, who may be in college or pursuing that exciting post-college endeavor. If this is you and you are hoping that one day you might be a wife or mother, take this word to heart--start thinking now about how you are preparing for your real career.

Read these articles and do what they say. You future self will thank you.
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001979.cfm
http://www.cbmw.org/Journal/Vol-11-No-2/Homemaking-Internship
Also, on the Girl Talk blog, they are doing a series on making the most of singleness. I highly recommend reading through these posts as well.

Motherhood as mercy ministry

2009-03-02T21:15:00.000-05:00

One of the consistent struggles I have faced as a mother is the battle of thinking that what I’m doing at home is not “real” ministry. Too often, my home and family have taken a backseat to my pursuit of what I view as actual Kingdom work—discipling women, teaching a Bible study, providing meals for others, doing evangelism, etc. This should not be. I think this is a particular temptation for women who, prior to marriage and children, were involved in full-time Christian ministry or who feel impassioned and equipped to serve in more overtly Christian work, like mercy ministry or teaching, etc.

It’s a tricky balance, however, because I do think that in our American context, Christian women are often tempted to live lives of self-absorption and comfort in the name of “family ministry.” It’s far too easy to justify not sacrificing time and energy for evangelism, discipleship, and mercy ministry in the name of “putting our family first.”

We can find some assistance in looking at the life of the oft-despised “Proverbs 31 Woman.” In Proverbs 31:10-31, we find a woman who was completely devoted to the well-being of her family and yet whose life was also marked by tremendous influence for good outside the realm of her home: “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hand to the needy” (31:20). We can glean from her life that the balance between domestic responsibilities and service to the world is not an “either/or” decision. But yet, I still regularly struggle with what this balance looks like in the context of my life.

The Lord shed some light on this for me a couple weeks ago when I was watching a Beth Moore DVD. She was speaking on the topic of good works in the Christian life and was highlighting the beautiful truth of Ephesians 2:10, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” As she put it, this verse reminds us that “we have a divine to-do list, written in God’s handwriting.” This was a huge encouragement to me in my marriage and mothering. For right now, God has written “Care for Adam, Katie, and Caroline” at the very top of His to-do list for me. The tasks associated with caring for my family are the good works that God has prepared beforehand for me that I should walk in them, and they are no less sacred or important as other good works such as visiting the widows and orphans in their distress (James 1:27).

But what she began to teach on next was where the real surprise came. She had us turn to Isaiah 58, which for me is the classic text that challenges me to pursue social justice and mercy ministry. I have often held up this passage as the ideal Christian life and that I could have assurance that I was really following Christ if I were spending myself on behalf of the poor and hungry and loosing literal chains of bondage and injustice. To be sure, this passage does describe and exhort us to these kinds of ministry, and there is something wrong if there is nothing in our lives that supports these kinds of endeavors. However, as I read the chapter that evening, I couldn’t help but see the tasks of motherhood also written in those lines:

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58:6-7

Every day as a mother I am feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and providing shelter and safety. These hungry, naked, and homeless ones are not strangers but rather my own children. Were it not for my labors, however, they would be hungry, naked, and homeless! Likewise, my children are bound and oppressed by the bonds of their own sin, and I have been charged with the grave task of holding out to them the good news of God’s liberation in Jesus Christ. As these thoughts came to me as I read the verses, I was a bit skeptical about applying Isaiah 58 to motherhood until I read the final line of verse 7—“and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood.” Yes, God is reminding us that all humans are our own flesh and blood, and we are commanded to extend mercy and justice to all as if they were our own family. But surely these verses also include caring for those under our own roof?

To begin to view motherhood as mercy ministry was extremely encouraging for me, and I hope it will be for many other Christian mothers as well, especially those who (like me) often feel that they must get through the childhood years in order to get back to the “real” work of the Kingdom. There will come a day when our children are grown, and we will have more time to pursue the kinds of ministries that we feel passionate about—but do not be deceived. If you are a Christian mother, you have a very real and powerful ministry going on in your own home every day. You have a ministry of feeding and clothing the weak and helpless, and, as one godly woman once said to me, “What more intense discipleship relationship can you imagine besides the one you can have with your children? Talk about life-on-life discipleship!” May Isaiah 58 remind us not to neglect the poor and needy—even the ones that live within the walls of our home.

Songs for my children

2009-03-01T22:20:00.000-05:00

For today, a brief hiatus from the Meditations on Motherhood...mostly due to the fact that I haven't been able to finish the ones I am working on because Katie has suddenly decided to stop napping! Great timing, kid! So instead I'll share with you this window into my life....

A while ago my friend had a blogpost about the song she and her husband had chosen for their daughter. It was a precious post about how they sing "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus" to their child every night before bed and how clearly comforted she is by that song whenever she is troubled.

I couldn't help but smile, however, as I thought of the songs I have for my children....

Even though she isn't even born yet, Caroline already has one, and I bet you can guess what it is. (You'd better be hearing Neil Diamond singing in your head right now... )
If we ever have a boy, his song is already picked out too. Adam is set on the name James for his son, which I'm okay with because it means I can sing this song to him.
No song with Katie's name in it has ever popped into my head, but I often adapt songs to sing to her by replacing her name in them. The song that has eventually become "hers" is pretty random, and I'm not actually sure how it came to be "her" song. Are you ready? Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby."
And just so you don't think I'm a total pagan, I do have a song that I've sung to Katie every night before bed since she was an infant. It's the Barocha, the Aaronic blessing from Numbers 6:24-26. And I'm pretty sure she even likes it more than "Always Be My Baby."

Sleeplessness and Sanctification

2009-02-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

For me, one of the greatest challenges of motherhood was waking up in the middle of the night for feedings. This became a huge thorn in my flesh since Katie persisted in waking up at night months beyond when she was “supposed” to be sleeping through the night. I became obsessed with sleep and fell into many sins as a result (bitterness, anxiety, anger, self-pity, etc.). Thankfully one morning, God intervened. I had been reading through the book of Hebrews, and I came upon this:

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? ‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11)

Through this passage, God reminded me that He was doing serious work in me through the unique trials of early motherhood. Inspired, I decided to make a list of all the ways that God could be sanctifying me through Katie’s sleep issues. In His mercy, God changed my perspective and provided me a way to hope when I was tempted to despair. So, when you are facing yet more laundry to do because of a baby who spits up, or when you have to get out of bed to soothe your child for the fifth time since 2 a.m., be encouraged. God is treating you as His child and is working so that even the mundane, draining demands of motherhood will lead you to share in His holiness and will produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness. And how kind is He that the “rod” of choice is nothing less than your own precious child.

By having to get up in the middle of the night to feed my child, God is training me…

…to trust His sovereignty over my child

…to trust His good purposes in difficulties

…to love sacrificially, considering another’s needs above my own

…to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, constant in prayer

…to give thanks in all circumstances

…to not love sleep more than God and others

…to depend on Him for strength, energy, faith, and endurance

…to be humble (I can’t do everything right or control the world)

…to not complain against Him

…to sympathize with others

…to apply His Word to my life

…to not sleep and still function (which can be a very helpful skill!)

Motherhood by faith

2009-02-27T21:07:00.000-05:00

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen.” Hebrews 11:1

In this familiar “definition” of faith and in the examples that follow in Hebrews 11, God makes clear that living by faith involves believing (trusting) what you don’t see over and against what you do see. Christian motherhood is most definitely an area of life in which we must exercise great faith.

For example, look at what is readily seen in the task of mothering—endless routine, waking up day after day and doing the very same things you did the day before (feeding picky children, wiping bottoms, cleaning up messes, repeating yourself over and over again, disciplining for the same offenses, reading the same books multiple times in a row, and the list goes on). On the surface, it looks like nothing supernatural, important, influential, or eternal is happening in the midst of such mundane activities. This is certainly how the world often views the tasks of motherhood. As feminist Linda Hirshman so bluntly put it, stay-at-home moms are “letting down the team,” wasting the best of their physical, mental, and intellectual energies. This is even how we as Christian mothers can view our own lives at times—we can feel bored, worthless, depressed at the “smallness” of our lives. This is how life can feel if we are only looking at what we do see. But God has called us to live by faith—to live trusting not in what we see but in the exact opposite, what we do not see.

So what are these unseen truths we are to trust in our roles as mothers? What are the invisible realities that are so easily overshadowed by the visible?

I would encourage you to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the specific truths that you need to see with the eyes of your heart. But let me share a couple of the unseen realities that I too often miss in the day-to-day busyness of motherhood.

First, loving my husband and children and working at home are activities esteemed by God (Titus 2:4). I too often listen to the loud voices of our culture and of my own pride and ambition that tell me that loving and serving my family are not significant. But these are not the voices to which our Father wants us to tune our ears! Rather, let us listen to the voice of our Good Shepherd who tells us instead that He highly values the very activities that we view as mundane and ordinary. Trusting that God rejoices over a mother wiping a snotty nose in His name can completely transform such a “lowly” activity. After all, did Jesus Himself not say that he who offers a cup of water to a child in His name would not lose his reward? Such a transformation of daily life can only come by faith—by trusting in what we cannot see. We must seek to improve our spiritual eyesight and rely less on our physical eyes, ears, and emotions. How do we do this? By saturating our minds and hearts with the truth of God’s Word.

Galatians 6:9-10 conveys another unseen reality that must be ours by faith. “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” What is motherhood but an endless supply of opportunity to “do good” to others? And how good is God to give us the promise of Galatians 6:9 to cling to as we seek to obey 6:10, “And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Doing good, especially to our children who can be so needy, can be wearisome! But God gives us this unseen truth to trust on the days when we are tempted to give up. We will reap a harvest in due time. And let’s not forget what kind of harvest this is—

“Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in God's name, I will make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!” Elizabeth Prentiss

“I seldom feel like much of an adventurer—standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: ‘Uh oh. I spilled.’ But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast.” Joyce Maynard

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would strongly be tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.” C.S. Lewis

Somewhere in the midst of the picking up, putting down, cleaning up, and repeating ourselves, God is actually at work. The very One who will one day transform our lowly bodies to be like His glorious body is the One who is working through our rough, imperfect attempts at caring for and instructing our children in order that they might be brought from death to life and have the very life of Christ formed in them! What more significant, influential, and important task can you imagine? But as in most things in the Christian life, its significance can only be perceived by faith (think Matthew 13:31-33 and the parables of the Mustard Seed and the Leaven). Let us fix our eyes, therefore, not on what is seen but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).

Motherhood as metaphor

2009-02-26T23:59:00.003-05:00

Because the Lord knows our frame and remembers that we are dust, He has so kindly filled His Word with images and pictures to help our small minds grasp vast realities. Jesus’ parables, many proverbs, and much of the Prophets’ writings exemplify this merciful condescension. I remember appreciating God’s use of metaphor as I approached marriage. As I reflected on the feelings, desires, longings, and activities that filled my time of engagement, I understood in a new way how we are called to long for Christ our Bridegroom and the joy that will be ours at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.

The experience of motherhood offers a similar opportunity to experience in fresh ways many truths that God longs for us to understand and believe. What follows is a collection of moments that will become a familiar part of your life as a mother. I pray that by singling out these experiences in this way, God will prepare and enable your heart to recognize the spiritual treasures He wants to give you as you walk through them yourself. May He bring these Scriptures to mind as you go about your tasks as mother and may the remembrance of what God wants to teach you deepen and transform your experience of each activity.

The groaning of labor pains

John 16:21-22
“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”

Galatians 4:19
“My little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!”

Nursing

Isaiah 49:15
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,

that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?

Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.”

1 Thessalonians 2:7
“But we were gentle among you,

like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.”

1 Peter 2:2
“Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk,

that by it you may grow up into salvation.”

Caring for small children

Isaiah 66:13
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you;

and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Psalm 131:2
“But I have stilled and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

Hosea 11:1-4
When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son…

It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms;

but they did not realize it was I who healed them.

I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love;

I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

Discipline

Hebrews 12:9-10
“Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best;

but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.”

Preparing for Child #2

2009-02-25T23:59:00.000-05:00

It's been interesting to compare the things that are filling my mind these days with the things that filled my mind in the days prior to Katie's birth. With Katie, my thoughts were consumed with all the unknowns and anxieties about labor and delivery and with making sure I had all the right "stuff." This time around, I already have all the "stuff" and I’m not at all anxious about labor and delivery. Rather, I’m very aware of the challenges that are waiting for me in the early months of infancy and I’m trying to prepare myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I know how spiritually weak I am (especially when sleep-deprived) and how tempted to selfishness, grumbling, and rudeness I will be. I’m trying to train my mind now to think godly thoughts about the inevitable rough moments.

Interestingly, this season of mental preparation was aided by a friend of mine from college who mentioned that her transition to motherhood had been rather difficult and she sometimes found herself wondering if staying at home really was worth it. Boy, did her question stir something up in me! From the time that I first received her email and began thinking about how to respond, the Lord began to give me fresh insights about motherhood, things I clearly need to be reminded of as I enter this new stage of motherhood. I have attempted to put down these thoughts in written form and will be posting them over the next few days.

I also want to elicit any advice from moms of 2 (or more) about how I can best prepare for what's to come. What are things you wish you had done differently as you transitioned to being a mom of 2? What would be helpful structures/disciplines to have in place prior to the baby's arrival?

Baby Update

2009-02-24T21:30:00.003-05:00

So, I'm a little overdue with a baby update. I actually started this post about a month ago but was waiting to scan the 2nd round of ultrasound photos. Now I'm less than a month away from "go time." What?!

First, the stats. I am now 36 weeks and feeling pretty large and in charge. It's amazing how much faster I got "big" the second time around! I had a second ultrasound about 6 weeks ago--she's still a girl and the time was weighing in around 3 pounds, 11 ounces. So I have about 3 1/2 weeks left with this girl rolling around in my belly... unless she decides to come (gulp) before the scheduled surgery!

Here (at last) are the latest photos of CAROLINE GRACE MCCULLOCH:

Head shot

Mouth open

And here's me at 36 weeks

(sorry about the crazy coloring, don't know what's up with that) Just to help you see how things have changed, check me out at 19 weeks.

Finally, I know you all have missed the "baby versus produce" comparison photos, so here's to my little Crenshaw Melon:

Your baby, almost 6 pounds and still packing on the pounds at a rate of about an ounce a day, is comparable to a crenshaw melon in size. (Length: more than 18 1/2 inches, head to heel.)