Timely

"The moment you wake up each morning, all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving it all back; in listening to the Other voice, taking that Other point of view, letting that Other, larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in."
-C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

Isn't that so true? Isn't that just how it is? Oh, Father, help me, give me the strength, grant me the grace, to shove it all back. To slow down and listen.

It seems that everywhere I turn lately I hear the same message. Like here, for example.

"Slow down. Breathe. Rest. Listen. Receive."

Why is this so hard?

"The measure of the worth of our public activity for God is the private profound communion we have with Him. Rush is wrong every time, there is always plenty of time to worship God. Quiet days with God may be a snare. We have to pitch our tents where we shall always have quiet times with God, however noisy our times with the world may be. There are not three stages in spiritual life - worship, waiting and work. Some of us go in jumps like spiritual frogs, we jump from worship to waiting, and from waiting to work. God's idea is that the three should go together. They were always together in the life of Our Lord. He was unhasting and unresting. It is a discipline, we cannot get into it all at once." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, January 6

See also, My Utmost, October 19

This is a busy season of life, to be sure. If you're not sure why, visit here. Support-raising feels like a full-time job...and it's not like life wasn't full before! But what makes it especially difficult for me is my case of morbid Martha-ism. Why do I value task more than relationship? Why do I fail to treasure what is truly valuable? This is a joyful season of our life to be sure, and we are thrilled with the chance to take part in the "ministry of fund-raising" (Henri Nouwen). But I am coming to see that it is also a very necessary season for my own soul. He wants me to grow in cherishing what He cherishes, what He deems as most important. "Only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the better portion and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 12:42) One thing. One thing. One thing. One thing.

Adam and I both struggle with the temptation to sacrifice family for the sake of "ministry." I am fearful for what that could mean for our marriage and our children as we head into full-time work overseas. I am thankful that the very fact that we are aware of this temptation means that He is with us and is willing and able to help us overcome this sin. Please pray with us in this and help us keep watch over our souls.

I've also seen afresh how I want to keep relationships in nice, neat boxes of time so that I can preserve my schedule, my agenda. You'd think that I'd have made more progress in this area since having kids! By God's grace I think I have grown, but then something happens--an interruption, an inconvenience, a relationship that won't conform to appointments and schedules and my to-do list--to show me that I haven't yet "arrived." And again He speaks to me here. Oh, Jesus, help me to choose the better portion. To lose my life and find it.

Thanks for lettting me indulge in some soul-baring. Pictures and videos and "multitude catch-up" to come.